[duke_foster123]

According to my wife I am the most UNCAREING husband in the whole world. Now I wanted to know what all other husbands do which I am not doing. Well let me tell you what I usually do in the morning. I get up at least 15 mins before her gave Milk to my baby, prepare a bed tea for her, brush teeth of my toddler baby then I gave bath to my baby, get him dressed after that I go for bath, mean while she get ready and sometimes she prepare breakfast for the baby and most of the time I do. Then we both go to the office and I drop her and baby to the pre school. Now in the evening we both came home prepare food together. ANd I also doo all the dish washing too. Now is there any thing I am missing. Now I don;t wanna tell you about our intimate relationship which I think I am very good about it (I mean our sex life is good no there is no problem on that side) But I need to know just basic things which wife do want and I am not doing that. Please help me
Additional Details
Just wanted to add: Actually she is like a bit short tempered and I knew this before the marriage and I try to be calm when she got angry but in her anger she start telling me that she will go away and that she did greatest mistake in her life by marriying me, and that she need divorce and started talking something to my family (which I don't like) and I too get mad and started shouting at her. And then after that she just BLAST like any thing and it would become very diffucult to control her after that and then we stop talking each other for couple of days. Now I know this is affecting our childs mind too when we doo it in front of our child and that is why I wanted to stop this and need all your help. and I WOULD DO ANYTHING for her

[Alejandros Mommy]

How old is your baby? Could it be possible she has post-part depression?

[duke_foster123]

my baby is 2 years old

[purelegance]

what was going on when she said this?

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!

Marriage is really tough, gotta be committed through the good as well as the bad.

You sound like a very caring and helping husband and father to me.

Has your wife always been this way....or is this new behavior?
All the screaming does have to have a negative affect on the 3 of you.

Maybe your wife feels postpartum depression, or PMS, or just plain depression.
What makes her happy?

Could you get her a single flower or a bouquet for her office?
Could you have a date night, getting a sitter or Grandma for the 2 yo,
and eating at her fav restaurant?

I am certain that others will share some helpful hints too.

[MissyChrissy]

It's possible she's suffering from depression. Perhaps the next time she accuses you of being uncaring, offer to go to counseling with her. Tell her you do care, and you want to make she sure feels it.

Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her she's smart and a good mother. Tell her you're the luckiest man alive because she chose to marry you. Of course, you won't say all this when you're in the midst of an argument, but one comment a day out of the blue would be nice.

and listen. Always listen. Listening does not indicate agreement...but it validates her feelings and lets her know you value her opinion. Not saying you don't already...I'm just offering what I know works here in my house.

[mcmama]

It's difficult to control her? Why would you want to control her?

My ex husband always had a laundry list of things he did for our family - often ineptly. If I wanted to do them myself or change our approach, he would become angry, depressed, enraged, accuse me of being a perfectionist (which is a laugh).

I had to do laundry over in the late night hours when he was asleep. Otherwise the kids shirts were gray, and teachers would comment on how filthy my kids were. To me of course. Never to him. And when I raised this with him, he would sneer that he was not responsible for what the stupid teachers thought, or that anyone would assume that I did laundry. When he found out I was doing it over, he was enraged, and this was just proof to him that I was nuts.

I had weird advice coming at me from directions I did not expect. He gaslighted the situation, making everyone including my children and me believe that I was nuts. He was just the poor sweet helpful husband. Not.

He would provoke me privately, and then when I was "out of control" suddenly someone would come over. Presenting my wife the nut case. See what I gotta put up with. Poor me. Once the company was gone, it would be back to how I had embarrassed him, how I needed help. The "helpful" badgering never stopped.

He wanted instant and inflated recognition for every little thing he did. But everything I did was no big deal. When we were married he could not afford a cleaning service, a lawn service, etc. But now that we are divorced, he affords these things regularly. And prides himself on how much nicer the house looks since I left! I can't figure out how he can afford these things now and pay child support, but could not afford them when he was married to crazy out of control me, even though I asked for help with the yard.

Now that we are divorced, every little ache and pain of his is very very important and he needs help help help. I just had cancer surgery. I have asked him to drive the youngest boy to meet up with a mission group from church. He is angry at not having been given the details of my illness, and so has refused to help. Meantime, the boys are getting all kinds of offers for "getaway vacation time" from his friends, when I really need them here to help me.

So, you do a few things, and you want what? You are only doing what most women do. If she is working beside you in partnership, unless you are completely serving her, I think the problem is not what to do, it is how to communicate and find the real issue. So you likely both need counseling to get to the root of the problem. Good luck.

[MissyChrissy]

Originally Posted by mcmama

It's difficult to control her? Why would you want to control her? .

I missed where he said anything about controlling her. I'm in a hurry though.

The rest of what you said, I totally agree with.

[scrapbookguru]

He says the thing about "controlling her" in the "additional details" he listed. If you look at about the fourth line.

[ebowen]

I agree with mcmama!! My first marriage looked great....to everyone outside of it!
I would also ask, What ELSE are you doing? In my first marriage, my husband was addicted to porn, would constantly verbally abuse me and occasionally physically abuse me. Eventually he raped me and I left him.
I'm not accusing the father of any of this, but you can never change another person, but you can change yourself. Don't focus on what she is doing and what you think she should be doing. FOCUS ON YOU. Not "poor me" focus, but focus on what could you change.
Have you considered that something could be wrong physically? Maybe she has chronic fatigue or something like that.
You don't like her talking to your family?? Why, in case she gets some support outside of you? My ex didn't like me talking to some of his family either, in case I told on him.