[oweirdo]

trying to convince an elderly person that you are worried about something is next to impossible!!!
Mom fell Sunday morning, and instead of call me, she went on to church! WHY?? Because she knew I would make her go to the ER. And when I find out what happened I made her go, they said she might have chipped a bone in her ankle, or a very severe sprain. She was not to walk on it, and the put a splint on it. Then they sent her home in CRUTCHES! She is almost 82 and just getting over vertigo, she even came close to falling in the hospital. So when I was going out to get the van I stopped the PA and asked her personally if she thought that crutches were a good ideal. They made me very very nervous, she said its what my mom wanted, and she thought that mom would be ok. And since I lived across the street it would be ok. Well she fell last night, and the crutch landed on top of her ankle, and she fell on top of the crutch, hurting herself more. And guess what I did not know, so living across the street didn't do any good.
I had even asked her before we left if she thought that crutches were a good ideal. She said there was no way she did not want a wheel chair. So as we are off the the bone dr today she said she should have gotten the wheel chair, GRRRR! Luckily she did not have any broken bones, but she is not on the crutches anymore, she is using the walker now.
Why didn't she just listen to me in the first place.

[mrmnmom82]

She's your mother your her daughter, she wiped your bottom, she doesn't want you to tell her what to do. I have a mother-in-law like this. For some reason, they would rather learn the hard way, than be told how to behave. I have no advice, only sympathy. I guess I kind of feel like we have to let them make their own choices. It's good that she finally came around to the idea of using a wheel chair.

[DivasMomma]

my dad is only 45 and the same way....cant get him to do anything....he doesnt have an health coverage, and since he lives with us DH can add him to his....he refuses and says he doesnt need it (even though hes a wrestling coach, and still wrestles himself...he comes home every weekend looking like he got into a huge bar fight haha and he doesnt even drink!!) He has seperated ribs right now, from wrestling, and refuses to take a break. So off this weekend hes gonna go to wrestle more, hurt himself more, with no coverage! I feel your pain

[oweirdo]

ARG! Parents, and they thought we were bad as teens...But you gotta love 'em

[DivasMomma]

how is everything going?

[mcmama]

Ollie, I think that people in their 80s avoid the hospital or medical care because they are afraid of having someone take over and losing control. Staying independent is a big challenge for them, and a big worry.

Frustrating, I know.

[QueenAngie]

Oh, I feel your pain!

Elderly parents do not want to give up their independence. She should never have been issued crutches - it just isn't safe and the fall proved it to be so.

I have become the 'mother' to my parents.

Other times, I'm the 'daughter,' so I have to tread lightly until I figure out each visit
which I am supposed to actually be.

Give her two options. Put an idea in her head and let her believe she thought of it herself....and independently made the best decision.

Sounds like your Mom needs one of those Lifeline Buttons with her at all times. Has she considered this?

Or how about a baby intercalm where you can hear her?

Maybe Mom needs to come over to your home for a while...or you go to hers for a while.


(((Hugs)))

[BlakeMatt]

My Nana is the same way, she will be 89 next month and still continuously refuses anyone to help with the majority of issues.

As she has gotten older her walking has declined, she now needs to stand a bit before proceeding, and needs to have a path where she can hold on to items to ensure she doesn't fall. She has a cane, and a walker but refuses the usage of both. She feel the one time over a step stool before easter and luckily only sustained a minor bruise on her nose. But it scares us all what could actually happen.

Her hearing is also declined, and to hold a conversation you either have to enjoy saying your point a few times, or nearly screaming it. We've offered to purchase her a hearing aide, but she refuses.

3 years ago her husband, my pop pop, passed away He took care of her 100% and since then she's refused the help of just about anyone.

The way I understand it it's that she's getting older and she is fully aware, and is aware of what is ahead for her, she is one out of 2 of her 9 siblings yet alive. She also doesn't want to feel as if she's a burden to the family, so that need makes her seem stubborn which is genetic, I believe. She has always been a strong woman, and continues to be.

While it frustrates us, I believe you have to at times just give into their ways. You can keep on eye on them, and be concerned but don't make it seem as if you're hovering. While they are aging and are loosing the abilities to do quite a few things on their own, try and give them a chance to do some things on their own don't take everything away and make them feel as if they cannot handle something on their own.