[Jazzilee]

Hi...I need some advice. I found out I was pregnant about 3 wks ago and am approximately 7-8 weeks along. I told my boyfriend and he is threatening suicide if I do not have an abortion. I feel he is playing on my emotions, because I do not believe in abortion. I feel he is trying to make the situation a life for a life and I need to choose which life is more important. He is also drinking all the time. If I agree to an abortion, he wants us to obtain counseling to get through this, but he won't seek counseling to help us decide. I live 1500 miles away from any of my family and have only been in a new town for six months, so friends to depend on are scarce. Any advice would be appreciated.

[floridamama]

Oh wow! I am so sorry you are being put in this position. Here's my opinion on it...he sounds unstable, and that's unhealthy for you. If I were in your shoes, I'd pack up and go home. But be careful, you don't want him to totally lose it and go after you while you are pregnant! Maybe looking into a restraining order if or when it becomes necessary. If he does not want you to have this baby...then I am guessing he won't want to be a part of it's life after you have it. You & the child will probably be better off. Please don't buy into his attempts at guilting you into an abortion! If you are concerned that he is serious, than before you leave town...maybe leave him a phone number to a suicide hotline or something.
I hope this helps...good luck, and take good care of yourself!

[LeanyBean]

I must fully agree with Floridamama. Get out the best way you can. That baby needs you more than anything else in the universe. Do right by the child and walk away from its daddy.

[ProudMommy77]

Complete agreement from me. He doesn't sound like the kind of person you would ultimately want to spend your life with. I've been in the situation of putting 5 years into a relationship only to end up hurt at the end -- get out now before it's not only harmful to you, but to your baby as well.

[kimchee67]

If you really don't want to get the abortion, then don't do it. He is just trying to guilt you by threatening suicide, but remember when a person commits suicide...it's that person's choice-no one else's. Don't let him use you. I've been in relationships where I had to watch every move I made to protect the emotions and instabillites of the person I was with. It's too hard and it's not worth it. If he doesn't want the baby, then he doesn't have to have anything to do with it...he can acheive that without killing himself. I've been in a relationship where we lost an unplanned pregnancy, and I will tell you now that things will never be the same as before the pregnancy. It's nice to think that you can just end the pregnancy and the "problem" will go away, but it will actually end up tearing up your relationship...esp since if you get the abortion it would be against your better judgement and out of guilt. I think it's best to pack your stuff and go home. Make the decision on whether or not to continue this pregnancy on your own, weigh out your own options and don't decide based on the guilt. If you have to, you can report him as suicidal and he can be evaluated or you can leave a crisis hotline number for him. (And, it might even help to call yourself...they can probably help you with the best things to say/do in this situation) Please keep yourself and the baby safe.

[Firespice]

I agree, and i know it will be very hard for you. but if he is willing to emtionall abuse you - what do you think he will do to a small helpless child? things dont get better with babys.

Right now you have to think of you and your baby before anything else. And if he is willing to do couciling one way but not another.... its sounds liek a lie and would be superfisial anyways.

Big hugs to what you are going through. If you move on and he truely loves you, he will straighten out his life BEFORE comeing back to where you went. he needs to grow up first. (you do NOT want a hard drinker around your baby).

HUGS
suzie

[mommysqueek]

You have some really good advice here. I agree with everyone else you need to go home and be close to your family. They are the ones that will be there for you. It sounds as though the father needs some serious help.You have a baby to think about now. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

[beth]

Hi Jazzilee
I think you already know what feels comfortable for you as to what to do regarding your pregnancy. Do not be swayed by a person who has no interest in what you want, let alone the baby. Try to concentrate on finding support for yourself, either where you are now, or back with your family. This behavior on the part of your boyfriend goes way beyond the norm, most guys in his situation just clear out. They do not play with your emotions and give you such an ultimatum. He needs help, but you are not the person to give it. As he's willing to go to counseling on his terms, he is in control despite the fact that he seems out of control. The best you can do is look after yourself and your baby, and make that your primary focus.
Best wishes
Beth

[angelic_ky]

what he is doing is mental and emotional abuse... you don't need that

[For little Elza]

Just wanted to drop a note and wonder if things are going okay. Lynne