[MissyChrissy]

One of my teen girls has been lying a bit about her boy friend. I'm fairly confident he's a real boyfriend.

Yesterday, I learned that she disappeared from a park where she was supposed to be with her 9-year-old sister for some considerable amount of time. With this boy friend.

I've seen her (from across the street) behaving with the boy, and it really appears like a boyfriend to me.

How concerned should I be? She's been grounded for lying and for sneaking off (she knows she's not supposed to be alone with boys at this age). Should I let it be, or continue to press her about where she went and what she was doing?

I know she wasn't doing drugs-I saw her within a short amount of time and I know she wasn't high.

[venetiasugar]

could i just ask... how old is she? because if shes 15, then... whats wrong with her having a boyfriend? you should probably confront her about it, but from personal experience, sometimes wanting to be with a guy seems to come above all else, and if you try to stop it, shes more likely to sneak off when she not supposed to. making it against the rules means it more likely to co-incide with other 'bad' things - such as doing drugs.

[MissyChrissy]

It's not my 15-year-old, and it's not the fact of the boyfriend. It was the sneaking off from the park. I do expect my girls, even my 15-year-old, to be where they're supposed to be. If they want to go somewhere else, they have to call (they all have cell phones) and ask.

She's in trouble for leaving the park without permission, and lying about it.

[QueenAngie]

We do not tolerate fibs also.

Need to sit down and have a talk with your DD.

Invite the boy to the house for popcorn & a movie, supervised of course.

If you discourage the boyfriend, it is like 'unforbidden fruit.'
If you encourage it, with supervision, it 'aint so much fun any more.'

[DivasMomma]

i agree you seem to have a great relationship with your kids...sit down and talk to her heart to heart...13 is one of those ages where they are becoming less and less "kids" and dont want to be bothered with younger sibs...i remember cause me adn my sis are the same age difference and at 13 i hated being with her....even if he is just a friend

[MissyChrissy]

'Boyfriends' aren't really forbidden per say...but they can't date alone yet. Group dating.

Jessica doesn't want to admit this fella is her boyfriend because she's said for YEARS that she'll NEVER have a boyfriend. I think it's funny.

[DivasMomma]

haha like i said...its that weird stage where boys aren't icky anymore and they just cant figure out why! Have you talked to her at all yet? I'm curious on how she will react

[Samual]

You really cannot expect her to do everything you say or for her to tell you everything, shes 13, shes not a child. She probably hasn't told you about him because shes embarrassed, or because she knows she will not be able to see him anymore, you can't have a boyfriend/girlfriend if someone is breathing down your neck all the time and denying you privacy.

I hate the group dating thing, it's like do you think your son/daughter is a slag? If you don't, then why the are you not allowing them to have a life of their own you know. You can't do anything relationshippy if someone else is there as it's plain rude, if she is always supervised she can't even hold his hand, shes 13, she wont be doing anything more than hugging, holding hands and kisses, followed by a big red embarrassed blush. Kids don't learn about responsibility unless they are given responsibility, she needs to know shes trusted, otherwise she will do things without telling you

Put yourself back into your 13 year old mind, difficult time yeah, also the time where you have things you really don't want to be talking to your mum, who at that age you normally think is boring and unreasonable.
I lied about boyfriends until I was 17, telling your parents you have a boyfriend/girlfriend is really really embarrassing, but she knew I wasn't an idiot so I wasn't forced to tell her everything because she knew I wasn't getting myself in trouble and I wasn't doing things I shouldn't.

You could let her know, you know, then maybe let her go and see him on her own, with conditions, if she breaks any, next time it's a no. She probably wont show it, but if she does as shes told and you trust her, she will be chuffed, but she has to maintain slightly grumpy teenager face.

[DivasMomma]

i must disagree with you Samual.

Im not sure where you live Chrissy, so not sure if this applies...

Here in the US there are more YOUNG teen parents then ever before. I am talking 12, 13, 14 years old. Its not uncommon anymore for a middle school student to be pregnant. I know of two in our area. At 13 in this country they know too much for their age.

Chrissy---not saying your daughter is like this, just telling him how things are here, and its not just hugging and holding hands we need to be worried about.

Most parents don't let their kids date until at least 16 here. Another reason why sneaking around is more fun

[deedee1231]

13 year old girls do not need privacy with boys. Period. And of course she does not believe her daughter is a slag. What a shameful suggestion, Samual, really!