[truealien2000]

I have a younger cousin of 17months that I babysit and it seemed to me that he may be underdeveloped. As far as I know he's gone to regular doctor's appointments and has a clean bill of health but he still seems to be really far behind on hitting the milestones. He gets alot of attention from his mom and many others in the family but I feel that he may not be getting the right kind of attention; the television seems to be filling in the majority of the gaps between feedings and sleep when he's at home. I've checked the milestone charts and he seems to be at about 13 months according to the charts and that worries me quite a bit. He does not know his colors, body parts, how to run or walk very well, and has trouble measuring shapes and dementions and doesn't speak very much (every after spending a few days with him I've only heard him say "hi", "bye", and a new word that I taught him: "kitty"). It is difficult to get him to run off and play on his own and he likes to be held rather than walk on his own most of the day. It also took his several weeks of seeing me and coming over to my house frequently for him to feel comfortable and to stop crying for hours on end when he would come over. It seemed as if he would panic when his mom left him over here and would go into a fit of high pitched crying for hours. Another factor may be that this was an unexpected pregnancy and with a young mother, she might just seem him as more of a nuisance. At this point I don't know what to think. I want the best for him and want to get him caught up on the milestones before it's too late.

[DealDebbie]

Letters, colors, numbers, shapes. Letters,colors,numbers,shapes. LetterscolorsnumbersshapesLetterscolorsnumbersshap esLetterscolorsnumbersshapesLetterscolorsnumberssh apesLetterscolorsnumbersshapes.

That's not developmental at this age. That's cognitive, and is tied to a lot of other things, including speech. Don't worry about that for another few years. Just keep reading to him, playing with him, doing art projects with him, making messes with him. That is how they learn. Don't worry about measuring that at this age.

Separation anxiety at this age is normal. Crying for hours on end means that something is wrong - physically, or emotionally. It helps to have a predictable routine when you are babysitting, activities you have planned, stuff he can depend on.

Some kids don't walk until they are 16/17 months, and then they catch up. Same for talking. My brother did not speak until he was two. Then he spoke in complete sentences.

You are right to turn off the TV, it is a drug at this age.

Games, toys, choices. Toddlers love choices. Limit the choices, but give them to him. Sing to him, play musical games, play an instrument with him even if it is banging. He does not care if you can carry a tune in a bucket. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Go for walks. Talk about what you see. Play a game with that. I see trees, one two three. I see rocks, one two three. I see trucks, one two three (with a boy that might be four, five, six, more more more). READ to him. Let him fingerpaint. Now that it is summer, let him get wet outside.

Negativity is normal with toddlers, goes with the territory. Tantrums are normal. If he's having a tantrum when he is with you for hours on end, it's either physical or there is something he does not like or is afraid of. Get on his level and figure it out.

If he has a blanket or teddy bear or something like that which he drags around at home, let him bring it to your house, or give it to him when you babysit. Comfort him. Having a comfort object like a bear teaches him to comfort himself.

[mollymae]

His behavior sounds pretty normal to me. My 2.5 year old is only just learning colours and numbers

[NavGabeShiJude]

I have to agree with the other posters here, all children develop at a rate that is normal with them. If their doctor is not concerned, then it is probably okay.
Saying that, you can definitely do things to help bolster their verbal skills. Sitting down with him and looking at picture books, taking a walk through the neighborhood and saying the words that you see (point to a tree and say tree, point to a dog and say dog, woof) and after a while you will see he will start to copy what you say or even point and say it himself.
As long as he is being stimulated then it is okay, but placing him in front of the tv all day won't stimulate him so I would limit that time.
Don't forget that children take a while to warm up to people, and if they have a bond or connection with mommy, it doesn't matter who they go to, they may scream when they have to leave mommy. My middle daughter is this way, even if my husband tries to take her she cries and screams until she can't see me any more and then she gets on with it.
Good luck and enjoy him, this age is great!

[truealien2000]

That's somewhat reassuring to hear. But something is still bothering me about the whole situation. It was my mother and my brother that first brought it to my attention that something could be wrong. My mom thought that it might be signs of some sort of mental retardation. She said that even when he was just a few months old that he wouldn't focus on faces and that he preferred, the times that she went over to see him, to stare at the ceiling fan. Even now it's hard to get him to focus if we go on walks or anything. He stares off and even when you turn his face to look at him he has this far off stare, like the lights are on but no one is home.

He also has a problem with teething...his mom always has this teething stuff that she puts on his gums but he's been teething nonstop for a long time now. It may be another child-by-child, still within the norms thing but it just strikes me as odd that a child will go on teething without a resting period. When I go over to hang out with her and the baby she's putting that stuff on him every few hours as soon as he starts crying.

[NavGabeShiJude]

My middle son Judah actually had a molar that started to come in, his gums go really really swollen and he had a bubble on it. It was taking forever to come in, actually a whole other molar and two eye teeth came in before this one finally did.
Again teeth take their time, but he has some teeth right? It might be that he isn't actually teething the whole time, he might just have discomfort from the teeth he has already broken through because they continue to grow even once they break through.

The vacant stares are something I haven't had a lot of experience with. The only time I have noted something like this is when the children are either coming down with something or they are going through a growth spurt. Within a few days they will usually come out with a bunch of new words or a stuffy nose.

One question, does he mind being hugged? Does he avoid or even flinch from physical contact?

It is good that you care so much about him, just remember that giving him attention, love and stimulation will only better his experience with you.

[angelic_ky]

he does sound like he is in the normal range (my 2 yr old has just started couting the other week and every thing is 'red' and if i tell it isn't red then it's 'blue')... just because you haven't heard him say a lot of words don't mean he can't talk (my dd only really said things to me so not even daddy heard her say much and even then she didn't really say much til she hit 18 mths)... certainly the carrying every where isn't helpful for him learning to walk but that probably just cos he has been spoilt in that way (you could try teaching him that while he is in your care you aren't going to carry him every where)... the staring off concerns me, it might be he just needs glasses but it could be a form of a seizure... also like to add that i was reading the results of a studying into tv viewing in under 2 and the conclusion was that it is neither harmful nor helpful for a toddler to watch tv, of course that doesn't mean a child can be left to watch tv all day, they still need interaction with other ppl and to play etc

[truealien2000]

actually...he does flitch and pull away quite frequently... why do you ask?
but i figured that that was more along the lines of normal because I've seen more kids do that just maybe not to that extent.

And I don't think that the docs would have missed something like epilepsy. I've seen some of those seizures...the zoning off kind...and it doesn't look like it's that but it did cross my mind. Which brought me to the suspicion that it could be a type of autism like aspergers.

[NavGabeShiJude]

Well that was what crossed my mind, only because I specialized in autism while studying for my ECE credentials when I would younger. I think that if he has that, though, the doctor will catch it, or a teacher will when he hits school.
It is hard, because Autism has such a broad spectrum of behaviors associated with it, and a lot of times children that are just different may be categorized as autistic,
Just keep being patient with him, most importantly keep trying, and by the end of the summer you will probably have seen a huge improvement.

[kalhayd2]

First thing you'll want to do is avoid parenting books and milestone guidelines like the plague! Babies don't read these things and they almost always seem to overly worry a parent/family member for no known reason.

He sounds pretty "typical" to me. My 19th month old has a HUGE vocab(mostly single words, stringing some words together now)- but doesn't count nor does she know her colors. And she's not expected to per our pedi(who was my pedi way back when and obviously has experience). I tend to think she is quite bright in most areas.

I wouldn't worry. If his doctor was concerned, Mom would know! Just enjoy that sweet cousin of yours.
17 months is WAY too early to be talking autism. That's a whole other thread, though. Way, way, way, over diagnosed in my professional opinion!