[JeanLynn81]

Me and my dd's father have been having issues for quite some time. Everything was going real bad until the birth of our daughter, when of course we had to reconcile so we could do right by her. We never really had a chance to get to know eachother before I became pregnant-that was probably a month into the relationship-and I'm sure it wouldn't have lasted long if that didn't happen. He has never been phsically abusive. Not even verbally. I don't quite know what was so horrible at the time, but I think I get it now. He absolutely SMOTHERS me. I have no room to breath! He goes through my things, follows me out with my friends, no matter how much I tell him I need a night out without him. Forget having guy friends because he is so incredibly jealous. He tries to hide it by saying its for dd's sake or some BS like that. He doesn't care about her, because he won't work, which means he doesn't support her financially. Right now I live at home and work weekends (the only time my mom will watch dd). Because he won't help, I can't afford to pay a babysitter, and she's too young for daycare. So I guess in a way thats some form of abuse.

[froggles_fi]

I haven't been through it but am willing to lend an ear (or rather an eye) any time you like. I'd stop at the shop and get an answering machine so you can record his calls and take them to the police, with his prior record they should act quick smart. Also would it be possible for you to get away for awhile, to your mum's or something? He may come to your house and break stuff but at least he couldn't hurt either of you. I was also going to suggest you get some one stay with you but that may not be the best idea.......
Did you contact his mum and talk to her more in depth about it? I'd also call the police every time he causes trouble, it will add to his report and when you/ if you go for sole custody/restraining order it will be in your favour.

Hope this helps some what, no one should go through this.

[mollymae]

I have been through something similar and what he's doing is absolutely and totally abusive. He's attempting to take power and control using threats, bribes and promises. Well done for seeing it for what it is! Don't feel guilty at all he is causing the problems, not you.

Your in my thoughts and prayers, please take care of yourself and your DD.

Love and hugs

[angelic_ky]

have you consider taking out an AVO... it might help

[patience123]

What did the police do when they got there? Was he arrested?
I'd also suggest getting a protective order, right away. I wouldn't respond to his phone calls, even the ones saying he is coming over. You might consider sending him a single, brief letter, that says something along the lines "Our relationship is over. Period. There is no way that I will ever be involved with you again. Do not contact me further". Nothing more. You don't want to leave any room for his imagination to hope. Finally, do you have a relative, out of the area, that you could go stay with for a month or two?
Honestly, if it were me, I'd leave the area for a month or so, just to give him the chance to cool off and move on. You'd have to be very careful about this...going someplace that he doesn't know about; not telling anyone (except your mother, if she can be trusted); not contacting him, period. Not telling mutual friends where you are going. Make sure you are staying with people (not alone), so that you have some measure of protection.
My personal feelings are that if you stay where you are at, you and/or you baby are in danger.
In the future, when you see the first warning sign, you need to drop the guy like a hot potato. Additionally, learn a bit more about a person before you get involved with him.

[JeanLynn81]

When the police showed up (they took forever) he had already taken off. They went looking for him, but no such luck. Our police department is crap really. When I went through something a few years back they were no help. Its really frustrating when they don't do their jobs!

I actually am living at home with my mom and brother at this time. I had to move back in order to give my daughter the things she needs. I really hate bringing them into this. We're going to move as soon as its financially possible, and no one except a few close friends/family will know where we are. Until then is what I'm concerned about. We got a restraining order put against him yesterday, but I highly doubt thats going to keep him away.

I did get back to his mom. She actually is his adoptive mother-she got him and his brother when he was 4 years old. His real parents screwed them up pretty bad from what I hear. But appaently she didn't do too great a job either...

Patience123 you could not be more right! From now on I have no choice but to be super selective-for my dd's sake! I grew up with horrible self esteem, which isn't much of an excuse, but its the only one I have. From my teenage years on I've been settling for Mr. Will-Do-For-Now instead of Mr. Right, because my weight issues made me believe I couldn't do better. Even now that I'm in a size 8, I still have "fat girl mentality." I need to remember that I deserve better! Its a shame I had to learn the hard way, but I guess thats life...

Well he has called 12 times today already. The longer I go without answering, the angrier he gets. A big part of me wats to answer so he'll calm down, but I know better.

Thanks for the concern, I will keep everybody posted on whats going on. Thank God for you girls and this website. Right now its very well the only sanctuary I know! Love you all!

[Alejandros Mommy]

I agree with Fiona and the PP's.

BTW I've Pm'd you

[pattiewrites]

Do not answer his calls. Change your numbers if you have to. With men like this, any contact at all only encourages them. You will not be able to appease him by answering the phone. Every time he is able to drag you back into the discussion, it will only encourage him to be more persistent next time. Google emotional abuse for more information. Stay away from him to keep you and your daughter safe. Whatever you do, DON'T meet him anywhere or allow him to get near you. He already hurt one girl. Don't be the next victim. Stay away from him. Record all his messages in case you need them for court. You will be able to establish that he is not safe in case he tries to get visitation rights. Good luck and keep us posted so we know you are ok.

[lpelham]

I agree with all that Patti said. Any contact with you will give him encouragement. And don't rely on a restraining order to protect you. Unfortunately, I've seen and read about too many women that were harmed despite having restraining orders. On the positive side, I had a friend whose ex-husband acted like this for about three months. Then after the divorce, he cooled off, so I hope your guy will leave you alone at some point.

I'm sorry, I don't really have any other advice, but I will keep you and your baby in my prayers.

Libby

[froggles_fi]

Its true restraining orders are only a piece of paper, but it might drive the msg home a little quicker and clearer.