[For little Elza]

I don't feel like harming myself, just wish I could lay down and never wake up.

I am so tired.

Been with two babies, non-stop for months and months. Dad is a dead-beat and sends no money, can't even call with a supportive thing to say. Blames me for everything and makes me feel even more depressed.

After having such a hard time with my 2-year-old, I've finally faced that she is about 90% sure to be tested positive on the Autism Spectrum. This explains why I felt like it took 2 years for us to bond and why she doesn't listen to me and runs out into the street without hearing anything around her, or her name.

Did I say I am tired?

The dad of the babies is sitting in Denver, doing nothing, taking his sweet time in life. While he is being a neglectful, irresponsible, abusive, rotten man - if I were to walk away from my house and kids, I would sit in jail for neglect!

But yet, I do not qualify for childcare help, and have paid $400 in childcare in the last 2 weeks, to a "friend" who is "so kind to help" but doesn't try to meet me 1/2 way in any regard and consequently, my 13-year-old had to babysit today (she was off school).

I feel taken advantage of by everyone, stuck between a rock and a hard place, and well... like anymore stress and I may seriously lose it. I am at work, typing this, and I don't want to go home. Home to a child that doesn't sleep, gets up at 5:30 am every morning, eats only pasta, can't talk or communicate her feelings... and a sick one year old. And a helpful 13 year old, whom I am tired of having responsibility landing on.

Did I say I was tired? There is no end, no end. I don't know what to do but put my head down and cry.

[For little Elza]

I want to make another note here... I am not thinking of harming myself. I just need to verbalize how I feel inside.

[ProudMommy77]

I think the best thing is for you to find someone you can trust to talk to. If you have counseling available, go to it. You are not the only person to ever feel this way, so letting out how your feeling is a good way to begin dealing with it. Sometimes having a good cry is a big help, too.

I hope your weekend goes smoothly. Good luck in your search for someone who will really listen.

[angelic_ky]

agree with PP

[QueenAngie]

Is there a crisis nursery/daycare in your local area?

There is one here. It is totally free and supportive. Staffed 24/7 by caregivers and volunteers. It is a good resource for single parents
in their time of need. No DCFS issues, just good support.

Check out your state here.

(((Hugs)))

[QueenAngie]

Helpful tips:

Call the Crisis Nursery

Count to 50

Take a warm bath.

Call a friend for help

Exercise

Build a support network of family and friends

Do something for yourself

Eat healthy foods

Get enough rest

Be patient with yourself

Recognize your feelings.

Be patient with yourself.

[MiaCamille]

i'm so sorry you're going through this........

[Possibility_girl]

seek counseling immediatly for youreself, mabey see a doctor because if you are really depressed they can help too. you need to have yourself healthy so you can care for your children too.

[MrsDanite]

Another resource that is available in most areas is some kind of program for families that have children with disabilities, including autism. Here we have the "child development center" that does testing, after which staff write a plan for the services the family needs, including occupational therapy, etc. that can be provided in the home or in another setting.

Early Head Start also works with children under 3 and I believe that, like Head Start, that program has a mandate to work with children with disabilities. There is no cost to qualifying families.

The nature of these programs differ from one state to another, but under the same laws that fund special ed. in the schools, there is funding for early childhood programs for children with disabilities. Check with your local health & welfare office, or your local public school, or with a local parent support group for information about how this works in your state.

Best wishes to you and your family--

MrsD

[selfhelpqueen]

It sounds like no matter what you do that the first thing to do is get some sleep. Do you have family or trusted friends close by that could take your kids for an hour or two (FOR FREE) on a weekly basis? This would be something that you could look forward to every week. (It's amazing what that does for one's morale.)

This is hard and I'm sorry you are going through this. I had an experience several years ago that, although it pales in comparison to your situation, is slightly similar to yours. When I look back on that experience the only thing I wish I would've done differently (for the sake of my kids) is reach out to my trusted neighbors, friends, church group, and family members for help as well as taking advantage of community programs such has been mentioned in previous posts. What I learned is that people want to help but that they don't know how until you tell them exactly what it is you need, which is very frustrating for you - I know. When you get to the point where you are now, expect that you're going to need a lot of help and be okay w/ that. You didn't get to feeling this way in one day.

I'm touched by your example of reaching out for help. Unfortunately, I didn't have that kind of courage and my children have paid dearly for it - especially my oldest son. You're in my prayers.

P.S. Have you been able to talk to you daughter's pediatrician about your suspicions? If so, what has he/she said?