[Samual]

There is a back story with this, so I shall start with that.
We started fostering Jamie when he was 6 weeks old, for the first two to three weeks he hated everything, which was understandable, he hadn't been given the time to get to know us. For this time he would cry constantly, the only time he did not cry was when he fed which was not as often as he should of and when his body finally gave in and he went to sleep, normally for around 2 hours. If we picked him up he would cry harder so we used to put him in his cot and sit with him, after a few days we learnt that if we put him in his cot and left the room he would stop crying and either lay awake for a while or go straight to sleep. So we would leave him to rest until he started crying on his own for a nappy change or a bottle. As at this point it had reached the stage where he had medication in his bottle as his throat was red raw and he was having trouble swallowing.
In the end his foster mother started coming to our house everday for a week so she could hold him while we were in the room to try to calm him down and so he could get used to us being there. While she was there we could hold him without him crying. It took over a month for him to fully calm down.

Jamie is now two, we still have a similar problem. When someone he does not know comes into our house he will cry until they leave, if we take him out somewhere with strange people as long as he is with someone he knows well such as me or Frank or one of his grandparents he is fine. Recently he started play school, during the february school holiday. On the first day we left him on his own and watched through the door to see what would happen. As expected he cried constantly. So we took it in turns to be in the same room, but not near him and he is now perfectly fine with his play school staff. This problem is only with adults as well, never children.

I am wondering if anyone here has had this problem with their own children or if they have been exposed to it. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help him? We are trying to help him so that when he goes to school this problem doesnt effect him making friends and trusting his teachers.

[ASheppa0821]

Is he aware that he is fostered? I know he wouldn't have understood it at 6 weeks, but if at some point he found out about being fostered, he may be scared that he's being left and you're not coming back. You'd be amazed at how their thought processes work at 2. My good friends family fostered many MANY children, and they needed to know that even though their foster parents were dropping them off, or people came, they were staying WITH THEM. No one was taking them away. All children go through a separation anxiety, but this probably magnifies it. Just assure him that you love him, and that you'll be back. And keep socializing him. Go to local group activities or make a lot of play dates with him. He'll get it in time. Maybe a child psychologist can observe his behavior and suggest some methods of helping him.

[twinzplus3]

I don't even think it matters if he's aware that he's fostered. I think it's very traumatic and it sounds like you guys have really done a great job. 2 is a normal time period for separation anxiety as well. . .and this is also an age for testing boundaries. I really think that if you continue to respond as you have been, and continually reassure him you are there if he needs you that eventually he'll spread his wings and thrive. I don't have adopted/foster children but have worked with them extensively. This is very common--even when they come from very good, stable foster homes.

[Samual]

He knows he is adopted and he doesn't, he knows he has another mummy and daddy but he doesn't understand it, so I don't think it makes any difference because he doesn't know any different.
Thankyou both of you for the reassurance.

[songbirdxx]

This is normal for many young children, who by nature are less gregarious than others.This does not mean they will always be like that.At present the crying is his means of communication to let you know he is uncomfortable in the situation. As he begins to express himself more and verbalise how he is feeling, the crying in company will stop. He will then have a better understanding of what you are telling him when you are reassuring him. He sounds like a very sensitive young man lots of hugs and luv U...s

[Samual]

Jamie has been dropped off at playschool about half an hour ago, we shall see what the staff say when we pick him up at 1pm.

[Samual]

The staff said he wasnt as bad today so we are taking the kids out for a treat to make Jamie feel good about being a good boy.

[mcmama]

He may be really shy, which would explain why he cries when visitors come. As for school, yes they do that and it can take a while.

When you drop him off at school, what happens? Does he cling to you? Does he scream on the way?

Does he carry a security blanket or a stuffed toy that he can't have at school? Because being able to have this will comfort him a lot - and eventually as he is more secure and engaged with what is happening at school he won't need it.

Some twos carry a "transitional object" - a toy from home or some token that they take hold of when they let go of you. It helps bridge the gap for letting go. I have actually seen children scoop up rocks from the parking lot and clutch them tightly when letting go of their parent. It's either drop the rocks and hold on the mom or dad, or let go of mom or dad and hang onto the rocks!

They usually get beyond this within a month if they are engaged in the activities and it is a good place for them.

[KR258]

I was a very shy kid and didn't like anyone I didn't know and didn't actually talk to anyone I didn't know till 5th grade. I don't think it's odd but I do hope you find a way to make him more comfortable before 5th grade! I had friends but never talked to them and I didn't even talk to the teachers even after being in school with them the whole year. I wish I could help but all I can say is that I don't think it's that terrible and it's probably that he's just a very shy kid.

[Samual]

When we drop him off at play school he is fine as he has gotten to know the staff, but if someones parent comes into the room or the vicar as it is at the church hall he goes mad and will cry until they leave the room. He does like play school mainly because it's a free for all, it's the stranger issue. He has stuffed dog he takes everywhere, he even sits it in the bathroom at bath time. But if he can't take it somewhere he just says bye to the dog and hes ok, he always takes it to playschool though.
Like today someone came in he didn't know and he only cried for a short while, so we took him out as a treat for being brave, but if he does cry the whole time we give him a hug and tell him it's ok to be scared of new people but they wont hurt him and then we leave it so he doesnt brood on it.
What age is the 5th grade kr?