[browneyes106]

My brother is planning to get married next fall. He is engaged to a woman with four children. My parents and older sister were hoping that I would asked to be in the wedding party. But recently my brother annouced that the four children will be in the wedding. One of her daughters is a lesiban and her partner will be in the wedding wearing a tuxedo. The bride's two sons will be paired with two of her nieces and her other daughter will be paired with a nephew. Nobody from my side of the family will be involved in the wedding party. They are planning to get married in a traditional Catholic wedding mass. Two aunts from the bride's side will be doing scripture readings and her brother and dad will be taking up the Communion gifts. Two other nephews will be ushers and one of her sisters will be the guest book attendant and another niece will handout programs. My family has been excluded from all activities. We have offer to help with decorating and making favors, etc and my brother and his fiance have refused our help and told us that her family is taking care of things. I feel my family is being left out and most people I have talked to have told me that it is common for the bride and her family to have more involvement. I just don't think it is fair or right that my family is getting slighted in all aspects. Please share your thoughts or similar experiences on this issue.

[mcmama]

It's usually the brides show, and if her family is paying the cost, well they are taking over. It really is up to your brother to speak up about your involvement.

When my son got married last June, he chose his college roomate to be his best man, but wanted his cousins and his brother to be involved. So the cousins were ushers, and one escorted me down the aisle. The bride's mom is part of a lesbian couple - no tuxedos here, they wore very pretty suits and my younger son escorted the two of them, one on each arm.

We heard a lot of "you can't do that" and "but we're Italian so we're gonna do it this way you just don't understand" stuff, but I just kept offering to help, and the priest was from our side of the family also, so she had a few things to say about the religious aspect of the ceremony. I got the wedding invitations printed, ordered, and sent - that took a lot of personal and financial pressure off the bride's mom and step mom.

For the wording on the invitation, we had it say "Jane Smith, Jean Jones and John Smith request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter Mary Smith to...." and then my son's name, son of me and my ex. The printer needed to be set straight on the order of names, so that we didn't have the Smiths as a couple, which they have not been for some time. The bulk of the expense of the wedding was borne by the stepmom. (Jones)

Keep the communication open, but defer to your brother's wishes - if these are indeed his wishes.