[Rebecca83]

I know most of you have read and responded to my other post about my husband and I both cheating on each other and him being in Afghanistan and not coming home for 4 months. Well, he hasn't called in a week and he wrote me one e-mail saying he had nothing to talk about and that is why he isn't calling. So, if you have read my last post I think I am at the I don't care point. I still don't know what to do. I still love him but it looks like we are ending up in divorce. I have some male friends that want to take me out but I don't know if I should. Should I date again? I'm so confused as to what to do. I recently got a better job too so I think I will be able to support myself when we do get divorced. I'm so scared about starting my life over again. My husband is all I have ever known since I was 16. I guess my questions are, how do you start over and is it ok for me to date since I don't know what is going to happen with me and my husband??

[mrmnmom82]

My opinion, "It ain't over 'till it's over" You're not a single woman. You can take this time to impower yourself. Build your mind, and your spirit. Be strong and confident as a single woman. Then when, and if you move on or stay in the relationship you have bettered yourself. What's sexy is a confident, independant woman, who is ok without a guy, and who would be ready if a guy that has something real to offer comes along.

[Samual]

If you do split up, that doesn't mean you are ready to date. You will probably need to give yourself a lot of time to truely be able to move on, you can't be happy in a relationship until you are happy on your own.

[Rebecca83]

Thanks for the responses! I have been feeling better about myself, and this past week without him calling I have been ok, but I do miss him like crazy. I do go to a therapist and he has told me to get out and socialize but I just don't know. It is like your ****** if you do and ****** if you don't situation. I feel like I do need to get out and at the same time I still feel like I am betraying my husband if I do, but it seems he doesn't want anything to do with me and that makes me sad.

[mrmnmom82]

Socializing isn't the same as dating. You do need to get out of the house and visit with people, maybe to volenteer work. I don't think, I hope not anyway, that your therapist is encouraging you to date right now. It's not healthy to jump right from one relationship into another, you need to be ok on your own first.

[songbirdxx]

If this relationship is over (it sounds as if it is) it is perfectly natural for you to miss him.Even people in abusive relationships miss their partner when it is over.It takes time to become used to a new way of life, without a person who has been a major part of your life for so long,even when it is for the best.I feel it would be totally wrong to go on a one to one date.Socialising in a group would be fine. The important step now is to gain confidence in yourself as a single woman and only when you have achieved this, I would then say it would be ok to date again! All the best to you!

[Rebecca83]

Well he finally responded to another e-mail..... I am so confused!!! Someone tell me what this means, this is what he wrote:

"I am sorry for being so distant lately. Over the last week or so I have been taking time to reflect on my life, and on what I want my future to be. I haven't been talking to anyone because I do not want any outside influences determining the outcome of the many decisions that I need to make in the near future. Do not think that I hate you or don't want to talk to you, I just don't want to talk to anybody. I do not know how long I will be in this funk, but when I start feeling like talking to people you will be the first I call. I promise. I love you, and hope you are doing well."



It makes no sense because the night before he stopped calling he was asking me to send him things and talking like nothing was wrong, like we were actually becoming friends again. I guess that is why I have been so confused about him not calling. Anyone understand??? lol

[DK615617]

I would recomend not going out. It isn't over until the two of you talk about it together and decide that it is over. Going out with other guys would only decide for sure that you are going to get a divorce. Why not wait, if you do get a divorce there will be plenty of time for dating. You shouldn't be dating when you are married, and especially when you haven't talked to your husband. What if you went out, and then he called you and said he loves you and wants to stay together??? You would be upset then that you ruined your chance to fix things.
I would say to wait and see what happens. Give your marriage a chance. If it doesn't work out you will have plenty of time to date.
hang in there. Give him some space, and you take the time to reflect on your life.

[QueenAngie]

You are a married woman.

Yes, your husband will be gone for four months. It does not give you permission to date.

Socialize ~ yes.

Date ~ no.

As are above friends posted, take this time to renew your own self.


Exercise,
get your hair done,
paint your nails,
eat right,
drink plenty of water,
read spiritual books (what ever faith you may be) to encourage your inner spirit,
keep a daily journal.

Get your self together so that in four months, if your marriage is to be successful, you will be ready.

Likewise, if it does not work out in the coming months after he arrives home, you'll be in better shape physically & mentally to handle a separation and divorce.

[Rebecca83]

thank you for the responses again... another thing also, I just got a second job so I won't really have time to date anyway. And, I am in school full time. I have been trying to keep myself busy and not think about things and it works but I still miss him, I still considered him my best friend even though things are how they are. I miss talking to him. I feel like I really screwed things up and I don't know how/if they can be fixed. I don't think that he even wants to try from what he has told me before, he thinks it will be too much work and he doesn't want to do it. But, I still have a slight bit of hope.
Thank you all!