[shelbybear62]

My father has remarried twice since my parents split. My first step-mother had 2 children and my current step-mother has 5 children. There were 4 children in my original family including me. My first step-mother passed away at age 43 and the kids have always kept in contact with my dad and are included in all family gatherings as we considered them our siblings. My dad then remarried about 6 years ago to a woman with 5 children of her own. We were all grown and married by this time. Mom #3's children are also grown-the youngest (23) still lives at home. We have been having family get together's at Dad's every holiday (Mom #3 insists, although we have all offered). Mom #3's kids come, eat and then leave to go to a movie or whatever, never stay to visit or help clean up or even ask if anyone else wants to go. (which we wouldn't cause that's just rude). Anyway, we were informed that Dad & Mom #3 are going to take a trip to visit her daughter so they will not be around at Thanksgiving. Nothing was mentioned about having at a different time. Just "sorry, we'll be gone". The general consensus is that while no one seems to be upset that they are taking a vacation, there is general hurt that the vacation is to visit the one daughter and nothing was mentioned about getting together with the rest of the family. My sister and I (I am the oldest of everyone) have decide to offer a family get-together of our own at Thanksgiving. However, I am not sure how to explain this to my kids without them being hurt that grandpa isn't going to be there. Especially if I am not happy about it myself. Any suggestions?

[2girls]

I think your best bet is to be honest with your kids, but hide the fact (at least in front of them) that you are uphappy about it.
The situation really makes things challenging and I am sure it makes things hard on your father as well. He has many family members now, and he can only be in one place at one time. I am guessing he is probably torn with this decision since he's been doing the "bigger" family thing for many years.
Is it possible that he just hasn't planned anything yet for the rest of the family?
Good luck with it all. I hope things work out like you want them to.

[fairy101]

I am sorry but i don't see this as a problem. Your dad can't be with you for every holiday just like you someday will not be able to be with each of your children ..... life is ever changing and you will be happier if you realize that your dad's calendar does not revolve around you. Sorry to be soo blut -- i don't mean to hurt your feelings but think of how you will be in 20 years when each of your kids are on different sides of the globe.

[QueenAngie]

Things never stay the same in this world.

The most important thing about Thanksgiving is that you are with people that you love and care about.

We have had changes in our family too with holidays. My eldest sister had Thanksgiving at her home for over 20 years. Even though we all brought dishes and helped with the cooking, clean up....one year she decided it was too much.

And she stopped doing it for the adult sisters & extended family.

Yes, there was hurt, but she worked herself into a frinzy for a huge meal for 30 - 40 people......some out of state relatives (not me) would stay 3 - 4 days either at her home or at a local motel. It was too much.

Things change.

Now is the time for you to step up to the plate as hostess,
or have it rotate each year,
or have separate individual family dinners.

At least you have plenty of time to plan ahead and get things ready.

Invite everybody in the family and get RSVPs.

Determine who is bringing what dish ahead of time. Remember the family favorites & get that recipe from your Stepmom #3 if needed.

Whoever comes will have a delightful time.

Those who cannot make it, perhaps will next year.

Take photos,
write down the recipes,
get out the photo albums,
and enjoy the family time together.

Things do change.

They never remain the same.

Make this Thanksgiving a happy and enjoyable one for yourself and your family.

[shelbybear62]

Thanks all for the input. Sometimes when you are so close to a situation, it helps to see someone outside's point of view. My sister and I are going to put on a great Thanksgiving for everyone who can come and we will miss those who can't. I think the hardest part was the fact that her children treat her so badly, they rarely come around and disrespectful and demanding when they do. But I really can understand wanting to see your children anyway and that is her problem to deal with. I really don't expect my dad's calendar to revolve around me, I was just hurt that he did not seem to want get together at all. It's hard to put all the info in a post. With Mom #2, we took turns hosting the holidays and any get-togethers, so it wasn't a burden on one person all the time. Mom #3 has always insisted we come to her house, which actually has been uncomfortable with that many people anyway. So maybe this is a blessing and will give us a chance to make a new tradition that everyone will be more comfortable with. And I think that is the way I will put it to my kids, a new tradition. Thanks again for all your help.

[amholb0]

Opertunities for new traditions are great. You never know when you'll find something really great!

[fourmum]

I agree it is very difficult when step families are involved as it is always difficult to please everyone. I dont think it is reasonable to always assume that everyone is going to all want the same at family occassions so I think sometimes you have to accept the situation and just enjoy the day with the rest of the family. Have a great day

[lynclarke]

I think I would plan an event to occur BEFORE your dad and mom #3 leave to go to her daughter's house for everyone who wants to attend, THEN have a Thanksgiving for your own family and whatever other stragglers you find. It might be time to start your own traditions for your kids.

[mummyme]

Whats with your parents? If i was you, i would be so ashamed of them!

[MissyChrissy]

I dunno-in this day & age of split families, it's just acceptible to me that sometimes you get a dinner with dad, and sometimes you don't. This year my dad is going to my step sister's and my step brother's. I don't mind, and I haven't felt the need to say anything to my kids about it.

But, they are used to the fact that not every holiday we all get together. Some we do, some we don't. There are other family members to consider. What about your husband's family? Can you have something with them instead?