[Aerie]

In some ways, our 6 miscarriages were harder on our children than on us (not that it was easy for me and my husband by any means!). They don't have the life experience to know that you just never know what could happen.

We believe that each child has a unique soul from the moment of conception, and that our child has gone to be with God where there is no pain or sorrow. Our beliefs figure strongly into how we deal with the sorrow and mourning process, so I mention them. We told our children that our baby had died, and that we would get to meet him when we get to heaven. Often they want to know what happened, and there is no sufficient medical answer. "We don't know why our baby died, but we do know that God will care for him." Death is so very hard, there is really no way to sugar coat it. I always want to spare them the pain, but I believe that it is best to mourn together as a family, and in that way they learn how to deal with grief together with people who love them.

Angie had some great hints- I would just add that every child will process in a slightly different way. He may seem unaffected at first, but ask questions slowly over the course of weeks or months. He may cry a lot once, and never seem to think about it again. I've seen lots of different responses. Don't expect him to feel as deeply as you do about it, though he may. Simply give him support and love as the unique person that he is!

As for the people who try to blame you- uggh! How terrible. Ignore them the very best you can. Do not allow guilt to beleaguer you. The doctor couldn't prevent it, you couldn't prevent it. Noone could.

I am so sorry you have lost your baby. Let us know how it goes with the little boy, if you get a chance.
Blessings,
Theresa