[blessing1]

My husband and I have been trying for over a 1 1/2 to have a baby. Our prayer was answer two days before mothers day when we found out that we were pregnant. This past weekend we lost our precious baby, the baby had a passed away 3 days after we had an ultra sound done at 9 wks and 2 days. Unfortunetly, we didnt find out that we lost the baby till 10 weeks and 5 days. There are no words to describe the hurt and loss that we both feel besides its hard to make it thru every minute of everyday, especially when we have some family members that seem dead set to point the finger at one of us and blame us for the loss of our child.
My husband has a son who is 5 years old and he was very excited that he was going to have a baby sister or brother. How do we tell him at such a young age that we lost our precious baby? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Dawn

[1angelinheaven]

I am sorry for your loss...I also had a m/c and didn't find out until 9 wks. It is a very emotionally painful situation. I don't have any advice on how to tell the little boy but I'm sure some of the other ladies do. Again, I'm sorry and I am wishing you all the best.

[angelstarsmum]

Im really sorry for your loss and i know how difficult this is((((hugs)))) as for telling your DH son who is only 5 its going to be to hard for you at the moment i expect as you probably won't want to cry and be upset infront of him. I'd take time for you and DH to grieve and maybe then think about telling him when your a little stronger. If you need anything PM anytime. take care.Sarah.x

[poliscmjr]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how difficult this is for you right now. I think just being honest with your little boy. Tell him something wasn't right and mommy couldn't have the baby in her tummy anymore. He will understand...they are a loter smarter and stronger. He may help you get thru this.

No one should be to blame for what you're going thru. If you need to talk I'm here for you.

[MiaCamille]

Originally Posted by angelstarsmum

Im really sorry for your loss and i know how difficult this is((((hugs)))) as for telling your DH son who is only 5 its going to be to hard for you at the moment i expect as you probably won't want to cry and be upset infront of him. I'd take time for you and DH to grieve and maybe then think about telling him when your a little stronger. If you need anything PM anytime. take care.Sarah.x

I agree take the time to grieve before telling him you need to be strong for him, tell him the truth don't make up a story he will be fine...

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, Dawn!

So very sorry for your loss. It is painful to have a lost a little one you loved
and was right below your heart.
I have been there myself, and feel your pain.
We are all here to help.
Grieving takes time.

Do not listen to 'family and friends' who tell you that you are responsible
for the loss. Tune them out. Miscarriages just happen.

Yes, you both need to calmly tell the 5 yo. in simple terms he can understand.

Here is one simple example: "Now that the baby has died, his body has stopped working. He can't grow any bigger, or eat or sleep any more.
The baby doesn't feel any pain.
He is in Heaven with Grandma Helen."

Children also feel grief.

Continue with the grieving process by saying good-bye with the 5 yo.
This could include drawing a picture,
planting a tree,
planting a rosebush.

I read somewhere not to say, "The baby went to sleep" or it may make a child fear bedtime.
Also not to say, "We lost the baby" as a child may wonder why nobody is looking
for the lost baby.
They take the words we say very literally.

Let us know how it goes.

(((Hugs)))

[Aerie]

In some ways, our 6 miscarriages were harder on our children than on us (not that it was easy for me and my husband by any means!). They don't have the life experience to know that you just never know what could happen.

We believe that each child has a unique soul from the moment of conception, and that our child has gone to be with God where there is no pain or sorrow. Our beliefs figure strongly into how we deal with the sorrow and mourning process, so I mention them. We told our children that our baby had died, and that we would get to meet him when we get to heaven. Often they want to know what happened, and there is no sufficient medical answer. "We don't know why our baby died, but we do know that God will care for him." Death is so very hard, there is really no way to sugar coat it. I always want to spare them the pain, but I believe that it is best to mourn together as a family, and in that way they learn how to deal with grief together with people who love them.

Angie had some great hints- I would just add that every child will process in a slightly different way. He may seem unaffected at first, but ask questions slowly over the course of weeks or months. He may cry a lot once, and never seem to think about it again. I've seen lots of different responses. Don't expect him to feel as deeply as you do about it, though he may. Simply give him support and love as the unique person that he is!

As for the people who try to blame you- uggh! How terrible. Ignore them the very best you can. Do not allow guilt to beleaguer you. The doctor couldn't prevent it, you couldn't prevent it. Noone could.

I am so sorry you have lost your baby. Let us know how it goes with the little boy, if you get a chance.
Blessings,
Theresa

[blessing1]

Thank you ALL very much for your support and your kind words. Your words have helped us so much in explaining to our 5 year old on what happend to our baby. We felt the need to name the baby even tho we did not know the sex but we felt that it would help us and help our 5 year old be able to have a name when he prays to the baby. We told our 5 year old that God wanted the baby as an angel to help look over him and protect him and that he can talk to the baby anytime. So we planted a pretty flowery bush for our baby and our 5 year old now places his toys by her bush so she can play with them in heaven and share with him. So he wants to plant some flowers for baby Addison. Our 5 year old does not live with us he lives with his mother. For the most part from our 5 year old he is doing okay. His mother on the other hand is mad at us for personilizing the baby. So she told him a different story that baby Addison was not really any part of his life and that the baby was not a person or real. So know were just trying to do the best we can from here. We dont talk to him about the baby and he doesnt ask. We are completely lost for words now.
Thank you again for all of your support. Dawn
Our Precious Baby Addison Lynn Hughes in Mommy's belly for 10 wks & 5 days, Our precious Angel looking over us.

[gdee]

hi blessing! i'm sorry and i totally understand ur feeling! wer in the same boat coz had my m/c over a week now and the most affected is our 6y.o girl, BeA, who have been earnestly praying for a sibling. we comforted her by telling her that our angel is in heaven and that she is better there with the Lord. I believe that by reinforcing your love and understanding to your child, it will help them overcome the loss, in God's perfect time!

our prayers are also with you and hope we both can have another "blessing" soon!

Jeremiah 29:11-13

momGdee

[4GiftsfromGod]

I’m soo sorry for you loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Don’t listen to these "friends" and family. I’m not sure if you believe in God or not but I would tell my kids that the baby went to be with Jesus in Heaven and that some day you will all be together and see Him/her again. Like the others have said if you need anything just PM me