[jadis]

Flirting with someone else? Hell no. I'm fairly certain that we both do it as part of our job.....but with my fiance, it's with really old ladies (sucka).


Kissing someone else? Meh, it depends who initiated

Foreplay - Depends on your definition of the word.

Getting Oral from someone else? cheating

Having sex with someone else? obviously cheating

Having conversations privately with someone else online? who doesn't have private conversations with someone online? I get really pissed if my fiance reads over my shoulder when I am talking to someone, and the same for him- it doesn't mean we are doing anything we shouldn't be. I just like to talk to my friends without him necessarily knowing every detail!

Having phone sex with someone else? depends- is it someone we know in person?

Having internet sex with someone else? see above

Having dinner with someone else? why does it matter who he goes out to dinner with? My fiance is a nurse, so over 80% of the people he works with and went to school with are women. I really don't care if he goes to dinner after work with some of them, or meets up with old friends to catch up. It's not like he would hide it from me.

Honestly- for me sexual infidelity isn't really the worst thing that could happen. There are so many things that are higher on the list of what I would consider major issues. Sure, I would be hurt, upset, and have to re-evaluate our relationship- but if it was a one time thing and we want to work through it, then I would choose that option first. I would be much more upset over a long running affair that involved emotions- to me that would be inexusable. But if it was a one-time thing that was just sex and he came clean about it, then I think I would be able to work through it.

[QueenAngie]

Flirting - mild flirting is ok.

Kissing? Let's get specific here....a kiss on the cheek from an old friend is not cheating.
A kiss on the mouth, or french kissing is not appropriate.

The rest are inappropriate, IMO.

Am hoping that the counseling will be beneficial & healing.

[MissaGraham]

Originally Posted by chrissyf320

IMO- if you feel guilty/uncomfortable or wouldn't want your spouse to know then its cheating.

Exactly!

[PamalaLauren]

Just a small update. My husband saw the therapist yesterday and she said that in fact he was not in the wrong but rather that he was sexually assaulted by the woman. She also told him that he's not the first patient that she's had to have gone through something like this. She said a massage person has more power than people give credit because you're on the table naked and once things start it's hard to run away because you have to get dressed and what not. Most of the time people are either too scared or in shock to do anything about what's happening.

This makes sense because my husband was having the same feelings he used to have as a child when he was molested. He came out of that massage parlor feeling out of control, violated, disgusted and very angry. All feelings he had as a child.

[babsandwoo]

Originally Posted by PamalaLauren

Just a small update. My husband saw the therapist yesterday and she said that in fact he was not in the wrong but rather that he was sexually assaulted by the woman. She also told him that he's not the first patient that she's had to have gone through something like this. She said a massage person has more power than people give credit because you're on the table naked and once things start it's hard to run away because you have to get dressed and what not. Most of the time people are either too scared or in shock to do anything about what's happening.

This makes sense because my husband was having the same feelings he used to have as a child when he was molested. He came out of that massage parlor feeling out of control, violated, disgusted and very angry. All feelings he had as a child.

Pamala, i would press your husband to consider going to the police, it might help him regain some control over the situation, sexual assaults on men go largely unreported as they feel they should have stopped it,

i hope he feels better soon, and that the counselling works for him

Sara X

[For little Elza]

I'm sympathetic to anyone who has been cheated on in any fashion. I went through it with my very first relationship... and it was very tough. That pain is still very real to me today when I think back on some of the rotten things I went through (walking in on him and a similarily naked female when I was 7 months pregnant with my 11 year old...... him wrecking 3 cars...... the list goes on... and on... and on)...

Nobody deserves to be cheated on in any way, shape, or form. For me, I am a "No Tolerance" kind of gal, kid or not. I came into my relationship with an understanding that if either of us cheats, the other one leaves. There is no leverage in my relationship for that and I pray to God it stays that way!

Your update is encouraging about how things happened. I hope you guys end up sorting your feelings out about the event and that he gets to dealing with other issues too. It is a promising thing that he is going for counseling. I can see in this situation how it would be really tough to make a "black or white" call.

[JeanLynn81]

Pamala, i would press your husband to consider going to the police, it might help him regain some control over the situation, sexual assaults on men go largely unreported as they feel they should have stopped it,

:

Hope things get better soon. Tough situation..

[michelle5971]

I checked all of them as cheating. They are all unacceptable to me in my marriage

[Blended]

None of them would go down with me. Maybe having lunch with someone,depending on the nature of the "date" me and SO have different ideas when it comes to cheating than most people though.

[sarahAMAZING]

I'm HIGHLY conservative.. Even actions that are "less serious" than flirting could be deemed as cheating by my views. I'm lucky to have a a fiance with the same views of me in this department.