[dizzymum40]

Hi, I'm new here. I've been surfing all afternoon looking for some answers and found this place...you all seem very informed and full of advice so here goes...

I'm a sahm to three - twins and a teen. I'm finding it all very overwhelming. I think I'm burned out. I want to be home...or rather I want to WANT to be home with them but I don't actually want to be here. Now before everyone feels the need to jump on me I'm looking for a solution to this. I feel I'm pushing up hill all the time. DH works long hours and so they are all mine from morning till night. I find it hard to switch from teen mode to twin mode, there's 9 years in the difference (not between the twins ). My teen is moody...as they are in early teens...the twins are great but require a lot of work. I resent my DH for having a life (the one he had before he had kids he still has it so life continued for him iykwim) I resent that he doesn't understand that I need more stimulation - cartoons, kids, cooking, cleaning, I am fed up with my own company. I'm fed up pushing the kids to get along, clean up, eat your veg, do what your told, don't be cheeky, go to bed, OMG!! I think I'm going to burst!!! I have hobbies but time is a factor especially in the summer hols. The kids are up later than usual, and when the younger ones finally go to bed my teen needs me. I can't figure out why I am so angry. Is it because i'm burned out? Or do i acutally NOT want to be here minding them all the time. I'm so fed up. I'm eating to beat the band...boredom I suppose.

I do go out during the day but the problem is they come with me...so it's only a change of scene not a change of circumstance. Please don't get me wrong, I love my kids but I need more. I need to feel like me again, not a mom, not a wife, a house keeper....I need ME back...I'm 40 and feel that my life has been about kids and cleaning...

any advice for me.
PS let me clarify I really really don't know if I want to be a sahm or not. I don't want to rush out and get a job and find that's not for me either...so stuck between rock and hard place. I think I'm so deep in this rut I can't see over the edges any longer - hope you understand what I mean.