[NavGabeShiJude]

Okay I will give you background on this story first so you understand what I am talking about. Both my husband Jeff and I (Sarah) grew up eating 'junk' food. ie... pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers, pop, chips and candy. Nothing wrong with that, if that is what you choose to feed your children, but when we had children we decided that we wanted to raise them with a healthy look at food.
I feed the children mostly organic and no processed foods. Fruits, vegetables, healthy carbs like potato and whole grain pasta and cereal, meats like chicken, turkey, bison and fish, and dairy like cottage cheese, Greek yogurt, and fresh milk.

I have given my eldest two children pizza once they passed the three and a half year age, but it is hand made in the Whole Foods store and is loaded with only veg and cheese, but I only do so once a month as a treat.
I know that once the children go out into the world in school as they get older they will be eating all the things I don't let into my house, but I think it is important for my children to have a healthy base and to know that eating fruit and veg is more beneficial to you then eating chocolate and sugar.

Don't get me wrong, my children have treats. We are a house of peanut butter eaters! I make special peanut butter bars with honey and oatmeal and dried fruit and they LOVE them.... to them it is yummier then a chocolate bar. I also make home made fruit smoothies and frozen yogurt.

Well my point is, is that my mom has never ever agreed with my philosophy on my children. She has stated that since my siblings and I grew up fine, my children should get to eat what they want without me denying them. (Denying them what? that is always my question. Denying them trans fats, sugar loaded sweets, and things that will rot their teeth?)
I told her that this is the way I wanted to raise my children, and I also asked her to please refrain from feeding them foods that she knows I won't agree with when they are with her.
She reluctantly agreed, but stated that a grandmother should have as much say about her grandchildren as a mothers should. (I about peed myself laughing about that after she left! She told my grandmother numerous times to keep her nose out of her raising us, so it tickled my funny bone that she would say that!)

Well as some of you know, I gave birth to my twins yesterday and my children stayed at their grandmother's houses. My sons stayed with my m-i-l and my daughters with my mother.
Well when my children came home this morning I made sure that I spent one on one cuddle time with each and every one of them. Finally it came to Nava's turn (my eldest) and she started to complain of a tummy ache.
I rubbed her tummy but it didn't seem to help. Finally she ended up getting sick and I was concerned that she was coming down with a virus (not good with newborns in the house, but also not good because Nava hates being sick.)
I asked her what she ate last night for dinner and she said that Nanny had taken her and Shiloh out for dinner. I asked what she had eaten, and she said a hamburger, french fries and a rootbeer.
I seriously about died at that moment. My baby girl was being sick because so much junk had been put into her, that her stomach couldn't handle it.
She also started talking about a toy, and I got suspiscious, I asked for the name of the restaurant calmly and she said, 'Micadonalds' and seriously I practiced my lamaze breathing at that moment.

It would have been bad enough for my mother to have taken my children to a proper restaurant and allowed them the have all the food that I had asked her to not feed them, but to add insult to injury she takes them to the one place in the whole of the united states that I would NEVER EVER even consider eating myself, let alone taking my children.
Well I got Nava to lay down and have a nap and she felt okay after, but I am livid! Here I am, trying to enjoy my whole family, but now I have to worry about how it is going to effect my 2.5 year old daughter Shiloh as well... she hasn't ever had anything but whole foods and proper meals since the day she started eating.

So I called my mom and told her that until we had discussed what had happened, she would not be able to take my children out of the house. I seriously can't trust her to follow what I decided was the way I wanted to raise my children, and I also doubt that this was the first time it happened.
My mom was angry and told me I needed to lighten up, but then did feel bad when she found out the Nava had been sick.

My question and reason for writing this novel is, how to deal with this, how to let my mom know that I won't stand for having my wishes trampled upon, that I know she is the grandma but I am the mother and what I say goes?

(I have one special day, the children's birthdays, that they get to choose which ever cake they want. Most of the time it is something chocolate, but I am okay with that because it is special, and they only have a little slice.)

[twinzplus3]

Seriously? Let it go. She was doing you a favor. . .you can't begrudge someone who is helping you out when you are in need. You have an amazing amount of time to be writing a novel given that you just had twins and are nursing them. . .you have bigger fish to fry. . .more important things to deal with. It's just not the end of the world.

[mollymae]

I have to agree with Val. One day of junk for is hadly the crime of the century. You'll need your mum's help and support and it's really not worth falling out over. There's nothing wrong with your philosophy but it strikes me that your making a huge issue out of food and that itself is very unhealthy.

[poliscmjr]

I agree with the girls relax and enjoy the new babies. You've gone through a lot in the past few days. You're horomones are all over the place.

You're going to need your family over the next few months with the new babies and other children.

[wanna be a young mother]

As my daughter's Dr. says "There is NOTHING wrong with a small amount of fast food once in awhile."

Every couple of months we let Nevy have fast food. I usually make better choices though. Like apple or orange slices intead of fries and apple juice instead of pop but chicken nuggets or a cheeseburger are actually a pretty good source of protein.

I have to agree with the other women if your mom is helping you out then you really shouldn't complain. I would kill for someone to take my daughter for a day right now. I hardly have time to take a shower let alone type a novel lol. Glad your twins are behaving so well for you. I hope mine do the same or I'll go nuts

[MissyChrissy]

This incident won't wreck all the work you've done in creating healthy eating habits. I have to remind myself sometimes that the fun part of g'mas and g'pas is being a little spoiled.

[stillparentingafteralltheseyears]

It is understandable for you to be upset/disappointed that your mother would go against your wishes. My late mil used to do the same thing. It used to infuriate me, but the funny thing is that my children remember the times out with her, getting forbidden treats, as some of their most fun times as children. Even with the tummy aches and occasional throwing up!

I am due to be a 1st time "Grammy" 10/21/09, Jackson Alexander! Your very enjoyable story will help me when I am tempted to go against my dil's wishes.

Enjoy your beautiful family! They really do "grow up so fast" and you are certainly doing well at being a concentious parent! Kudos on the breastfeeding twins also!

[DealDebbie]

Honestly, my kids hate fast food, although now that my oldest is in his 20s he knows every pizza shop on his way to work - and he commutes over an hour.

I think you are over reacting, and the problem is probably deeper than fast food. But your daughter probably did have a reaction to all that grease, because she is not used to it. My son used to have the same thing, and he did not like the taste of grease in his mouth. We'd go to McDonalds Playland with his cousins when they were little, and his reaction always was "do I hafta EAT there?". They thought he was weird.

I love that you feed your kids the Greek yogurt, it is so much better than the custardy dessert like ones. You can dress it up with fresh fruit for a treat, or with lightly sweetened whole grain cereal. I'm a diabetic, and this is one change my dietician suggested I make which is really great.

The bottom line is that mom disrespected your wishes, and your child's tummy ache added to the stress of having new babies. I wouldn't go so far as to say the kids can't go anywhere with her - but she needs to know that there was a problem because of her lack of judgement. And with twins, don't forget, you don't want to turn away her help by giving her too many conditions.

[QueenAngie]

Wow! Can't believe you had time to write all that and care for two newborns too.
I'm amazed.

This was a one time trip to McDonald's and one meal.
Grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandbabies.
While it goes against your wishes on the dietary restrictions, she was caring for your children in a safe and fun environment.
It was not child abuse.
No pediatrician is going to say that one meal at McDonald's will harm the child.
Having an upset stomach that passes is a minor thing.

You are a good Mom.
Let this pass.
You will soon have your hands full of little ones.

[internetsurf2009]

It is often difficult to know how to deal with mother/daughter/kid relationships. The "control issue" seems to always be a factor. The way I have helped to alleviate this issue is to let the grandmother/mother "act like they are in control when they are present" and then "simply disregard the things you disagree with when they are away." This won't adversely affect your children and you will still be "pseudo-respecting" your parents/grandparents etc.