[JeanLynn81]

I need some advice bad. As most of you probably know, my cousin has a baby that is 3 months younger than my dd. Her baby is ALWAYS sick, and I mean it, since day one its been one thing after another. The poor dear has a weak immune system.

Everytime my cousin wants to get the babies together I just cringe. I never know if she's contagious. I avoid her and I think she knows it. It makes me ashamed to even talk to her on the phone. But the last time she brought her baby around and said "oh, she's over her cold now.." the baby had a runny nose, and yup a day later my dd had her first cold. I went awhile before caving and just had them over the day before yesterday. As soon as she gets here, then she decides to tell me, "oh yeah my dd was in the hospital over the weekend because she had 103.3 temp and they think she had a virus. Right at the opportune moment is when the girls decided to switch binkies. AGGHHHHHH!!! Alyssa just now broke the fever she ran all night.

I am so mad. I mean, I feel bad for her dd, but I have to protect my dd from things like that. Its hard to do when the other parent waits until they are swapping binkies to let you know their baby is sick.

My cousin has a very dominant personality. I'm actually quite intimidated by her and have been since we were children. Should I just keep avoiding her and avoid an argument, or should I tell her as nicely as possible and hope she doesn't get offended. This is from the same girl who went off on me when I try to give her baby advice. She has a 15 year old too, so she kind of figures I know nothing. *sigh*

Any advice?

[twinzplus3]

I would avoid her personally and if you can't, tell her as nicely as possible but in the end she's not the one that has to get up with your dd--you are!

Maybe she doesn't understand that kids get things by sharing germs or maybe she doesn't know how to keep the baby's environment clean enough to not continually get sick. (It's not just a matter of being 'clean' but being diligent about washing binkies, wiping hands, etc.)

I know when we had the twins we were much pickier about being around people who were sick. Some people were offended. (We even went so far as to ask people who were in church not to hold them unless they had washed their hands.) But you know what? It limited the amount we had to get up and that was pretty crucial being that they were twins.

It isn't unreasonable to expect people to keep their sick kids away from yours. I think it's common courtesy. I am guessing based on what you've said, that she is just not familiar with how germs spread.

[JeanLynn81]

Thanks Valorie! I don't think she does know. She sprays her toys and things down with Lysol all the time, but never actually washes the toy. I think that's one problem.

She went off on me one time (I guess I can understand why though) because her dd had a UTI, and I suggested two things: pedialyte and wiping ALWAYS from front to back. She got sooo offended and I tip-toed on glass just trying to find the nicest way to tell her.

Also her 15 yr old dd watches the baby all the time, and she's called me while babysitting for advice. I know (because she's told me) that she has no idea what she's doing.

Ok I'm done butting in their business. But this is just a frustrating situation all around. For my dd because she might get sick, and her poor dd for always being sick. I'd LOVE to let the babies play together. Her dd is sooo cute. I got a picture of them together the other day I'll post when I get the chance.

[twinzplus3]

I personally think Lysol is just about useless when you over use it. I use Lysol if something happens (like someone throws up on toys) or when someone is sick I Lysol the door knobs and stuff. But we're mostly healthy, most of time, largely due to the fact that I'm religious about making my kids wash their hands. It's like people forgot that soap and water do a pretty good job!

I wonder too if maybe the little one is not as healthy as she could be bc of her diet? A yucky diet will do you in pretty quick. But definitely don't bring htat up! Unless you think she'll never speak to you again. . .then you should just give all the advice you can!

[MissyChrissy]

First-I work for a hospital, and they laugh at Lysol. don't waste your money. Watered down bleach is much better for sterilizing.

That being said-I want to warn you about overprotecting your daughter from germs. I know you don't want her sick all the time, and I'm certainly not encouraging you to do that at all...but, she needs to be exposed to germs in order to build her own resistance to things.

The sickest person I ever worked with had a germaphobe for a mother...this lady grew up & caught every cold and virus going around the office. I firmly believe it was because her mom kept her in a "bubble" as much as possible growing up. She said as much herself.

So, some germs can be a good thing.

[MissyChrissy]

Oh-and for what I'd do in this particular situation, I'd just be proactive and assume she's carrying something every time you're near that other baby. Keep binkies from being swapped, and those clorox wipes on hand to quickly wipe down any shared toys.

[mommartin]

Bleach and Lysol are registered pesticided so I definatly wouldn't use them.
I agree that you have to build your immune system but you also need to be proactive in cleaning germs and stuff.
I am sorry your cousin is not being very considerate of you or your daughter. I don't have any more advise then what others have said and I hope you find a way for them to be able to play together.

[QueenAngie]

So everytime your little darling sees her cousin, she gets sick a day or so later. That's a tough situation.

Could you ask your cousin if the baby has a snotty nose before you agree to a visit? Snotty nose = postpone visit.

How do you do this?

Ask your cousin, "I'm a little concerned about Alyssa right now. Have you noticed there is a virus/cold/flu/allergies going around right now? Does your baby have that snotty nose right now too? Is it green?" (Sound very concerned over cousin's baby)

(If she replies, "Yes, it is green.)

"I'm really worried that Alyssa is coming down with that same thing too. What about a cough? What cold medicine are you using for your baby? Diarrhea? What do you think about Pedialyte? Clear liquids? We are going to have to postpone our visit until the babies are feeling better. I don't want to make your baby worse because of Allyssa!"

This way it appears you are asking cousin for advise w/ all her experience of mothering the 15 yo and the baby.

You could always state that your daughter was 'under the weather' and you don't want to get your cousin's baby ill too.

Babies do share things including germs. Washing hands with soap and water is a big deterrent.

[MommyDee]

Ditto on everything Angie said.

Anytime DS is sick, we wait til he's better to visit my niece, and vice versa. It's not just the fact that one could pick up a bug from the other, I also wouldn't want to add the stress of company when a child is sick (and you could say that too -- just another idea to add to Angie's suggestions lol).

Personally, my mom kept a clean house (and clean youngsters lol), but we were normal, busy, outdoorsy kids, and I still spent a lot of time sick while I was growing up -- what am I saying, I still pick up just about everything that's going around lol. Some people (myself -- and my mom for that matter -- included) just have a poor immune system and don't fight off the bugs as well as other people do. The difference is knowing not to spread it around.