[punkepooh]

I am a bit depressed and don't even know where to start. But I need an outlet to get all this off my chest.............I have had the same best friend since I was 8 years old...21 years!!! And lately things have not been good between the two of us. In the past she was the party girl and I was the more down to earth one, She has made a lot of choices I didn't necessarily agree with but I have always stood by her. Even in Highschool she had some fleeting new found popularity and quit talking to me for a while. Even through all our ups and downs we have been able to keep our friendship. However in the past few months things have changed. My BF and I were having some problems a few months ago and I left and went to stay with my friend her hubby and kids. She was very supportive at this point. She kept telling me I could do better and I had made the right decision, after a few days my BF and I decided that we wanted to work on things and since then things have been much better. Now she acts like her relationship is great but she really is a B**ch to her husband and she thinks it is cute when her kids curse and teaches her 2 year old son to say "suck it" among other obsencities that I don't care to write out. But like I said before I didn't agree with it but they are her children and over all she is a good mom so it wasn't worth the argument. Which brings me to now she has decided that she will have nothing to do with any part of my life that involves my BF, well we live together and want to get married one day so that pretty much is my life. She makes it a point to tell me I can do better. And the thing that really pisses me off is that when her husband was out running around all hours of night right after they got married and she was home on bedrest I was there to help take care of her, when things didn't change after the baby was born and she wanted to leave I was still there for her and when she decided to work things out once again I supported her decision. The other thing that really irks me is that when we (me and my BF) were buying them groceries,cooking for them, buying her clothes to wear to work pp because none of hers fit ect she thought he was the greatest guy ever. Once we got our house we couldn't afford to do those types of things. Now things are horrible betweeen us. I use to go to her and complain about the bad things in my relationship which lead her to think he was a bad guy, I never told her about the good things which is my fault. I just hate the fact that she can't be happy for me. I understand that she must have been tired of my complaints and we decided I wouldnt complain to her anymore, however she can't be happy for me in the slightest, I got a beautiful diamond necklace from him for chirstmas and when I talked to her right after christmas she told me everything she got, and when I told her what he had bought me she said oh I got one like that before and it's ugly...who says that!! Ugh I just don't know what I should do, do I hope she comes around or am I better to just walk away....we have some mutual friends so that makes it even more sticky....

[QueenAngie]

Sounds like you and she as adults are growing in different directions.

Certainly, after so many years of being best friends, it is hurtful
not to have that close of a relationship as before.

Maybe she is jealous of you. It is hard to say. She does not sound like she wishes to continue the close relationship you once had.

Perhaps it is time to search for a new best friend.

Any other thoughts?

[AlmostMTNester]

This friend obviously is insecure. I beleive she only downplayed the necklace because the gifts she received may have paled by comparison.

If she is allowing her kids to curse because she thinks it is cute, that only reflects immaturity. She is the parent and if she lets them get away with such things now, it could get much worse later and come back to haunt her. Too bad mentioning that to her might only stir up another argument.

Don't feel guilty because you two are working on your future by choosing to invest in a nice home and can no longer financially support friends.

And saying bad things in the heat of your relationship with your BF should be at least similar to all the stuff she took from hers and may have said about him at that time, so let it all go...

Perhaps you are growing up and she isn't...or you both are growing, just in different directions. Maybe just move on? Or~maybe lay low for a little while and then extend an invitation if you don't hear from her? That's up to you.

[punkepooh]

I agree with what both of you are saying, I have always felt she was a bit on the immature side but it was just always how she was. I do love her and her kids, but I've tried to make the effort, I guess the last hurtful thing was I had called a few times and the first time she returned my phone call was to tell me she was pregnant with #4, and I found that hurtful since she knows how hard we have been trying over the past 2 years. Then the only other time she called after I had called her over Christmas break was to ask me when I had a miscarriage what did it look like then she says oh good mine isn't that bad.....so my baby will be ok. I want to just cut my loses and move on but it sucks because there is just so much history there. Memories that I can never remake with someone else.....it just in the words of her 2 year old "sucks"!

[vanaden]

This is obviously a time of growth for you at this point of your life. Anyone or anything that makes you feel like less than who you are is unhealthy. It sounds like you have been a supportive, good friend. Sometimes people don't give back what we give out, and that's just the way it is sometimes! It is really sad.
When I had kids, I lost a lot of friends and it was heartbreaking for me.And also again when I began to go to church. It feels like you're slamming the book shut on a part of your life. But if we didn't grow and change as people, wouldn't life be dull and not really worth it?
At the same time, it can be healthy for your growth as a woman to just let things lie. And eventually, maybe you'll rekindle your friendship with great new memories.
Give her some growing room and take some for yourself!
Good luck to you~

[Punkrockmommie87]

I had a best friend for 11 years and we ended up going are own ways because her boyfriend doesn't want her to have any friends besides him but they still wanted to borrow more and more money for us. (she's 20 and he's 30 mind you and they both live at her mom's house so I can't see where all the money is going if they both have full time jobs and the fact that she couldn't hang out with me.)

But yes it does hurt when the person that promised you "best friends forever" doesn't live up their end of the deal. And no you can't the same memories with anyone else like you did them. Rememeber them how they were then and not now. A good quote that helped me was "The pictures that you take never change, but the people in them do". You can always make new memories with a new friend, it won't be the same but that doesn't mean you can't have someone close to you and still have fun.

Who knows maybe one day she'll call you up and she that she was wrong. Good luck *hugs*

[Tracey with 6]

I have a freind of 22 years and we have had our ups and downs but hte reason it works is we give each other room, I have 6 kids, she has none, I would never be as uncaring as your so called freind about your miscarraige!, My freind and I are very different people and thats what we cherish about each other, I agree with pp give her room , step back and wait for her to amke the effort, oh and congrats on the necklace , sounds beautiful!!

[DK615617]

I would just step back from the friendship. She clearly doesn't think of your feelings.
It is sad when a friendship comes to the end. But she seems to be causing trouble for you and a true best friend wouldnt' do that.
Have you heard from her lately?

[punkepooh]

Actually I have gotten a few emails from her, one stating that I "need to be careful" she knows something about my BF but also stated she "wasn't sure if she should tell me or not." What she knows I have no idea since she hasn't had any conversations with him since last August. The night that I got that email during dinner I brought it up casually to my BF and he was like I don't even know what she could be thinking of since I havn't talked to her in months then he said she is just trying to start problems. I was glad he reacted so calmly because if it was something big going on behind my back he would have been defensive. Then the other email I got from her was one saying that she was no longer going to be buying candles from me. I didn't reply to that one either, I just feel that a real friend would not keep trying to hurt me, and if she doesn't want to be my friend that's fine but she should just move on. That felt good to get off my chest