[floridamama]

Just curious how other families do their finances? Who handles it in your family, and is it working out okay with that person doing them? Is one of you frugal, and the other one a spender?
I do them in my family...but there are times I'd love for my dh to take over! hee-hee!

[QueenAngie]

Well, Shannon, I have to tell you this: what a great question!

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OK, this is a HOT question for me.

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We have been married a long time.
We both work fulltime.

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For years, DH did all finances: the bills and handled the money.
I can recall that he was very frugal, and I had the 'luxuries' of purchasing groceries, white support nursing hose (for my job), and diapers.

I had a closet full of clothes from my college years, or garage sale stuff....remember we waited almost 5 years to have kids. In other words, I didn't spend anything on me.

I had work white uniforms, two Sunday dresses.

It went for the kids.
DH was very conservative.

Any big ticket items he wanted, he got.

He had a passion about his truck with all these black accessories on it.

With my back surgery, I could not ride in the truck. It hurt too much.

I can recall feeling very extravagant, purchasing 2 new dresses for a friend's wedding and this was after we'd been married 15 years! I had not bought any new clothes like that since before we were married.

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One day, I just got fed up and changed things.

DH tells me it is 'because of my friends at work.'

No, I just finally stood my ground and decided that I deserved an allowance and some spending money of my own each month.

It dawned on me that I had had more financial freedom the 1st 22 years of my life under my parents' guidance, than I did with my own loving husband. A light bulb went off in my head.

It didn't make DH too happy, but he realizes that I am entitled to an allowance of my own, just as he had been doing all those years of being married.

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This is how it works at present.
Keep in mind that we are middle class people, not rich, not poor. We have always paid our bills early.

We have two checking accounts at 2 separate banks with both our names on them.
DH has his paycheck direct deposited at one bank
and I do the same at the other bank.

My checks have roses and a Bible verse on them. : + )

With my job, I take the family insurnace/medical/dental/vision/life,
also before taxes I do a health expense account to pay for medical/dental/vision bills during the upcoming year.

I have a Christmas Club account at my hospital credit union for Christmas gifts for family and friends too.

I give DH a written check every 2 weeks to pay the bills from my checking account
for $XXXXX money. He writes all the big bills: house, utilities, college bills for DS#1, car stuff.

We each get our own 'money' to spend on what we wish.

I never had that before in our marriage at all.

I just let DH make all the financial decisions until we'd been married about 15 years.

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Let this be a lesson to you, friends.
Make certain that you have access to your own funds and know the particulars
about your family's financial situation.

A woman is entitled to do so, whether you are a homemaker or work outside the house.
You are a contributing member to the household and deserve at least an allowance.

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What about you?

[scrapbookguru]

Well, before I got divorced it was mostly me, because he traveled for work and was never home to pay bills. So it fell to me. I actually didn't like it too much because if I paid early he got upset if he wanted the money for something else, etc.

In my current relationship, he does all the finances and I am perfectly ok with that. I pay for my cell phone bill, and several small grocery store trips and extra's for the kids, while he pays the larger expenditures for the kids and the larger trips to the stores, etc. (and of course all the bills).

I like it better this way because it's less stressful and he's really good with managing money. I tend to be more frugal than he is, but it hasn't marred the relationship yet. He is getting better and learning how to cut corners and use coupons and save, etc.

[Alejandros Mommy]

Reading some of these posts make me glad that I have the DH I have.
He works for us and I take care of all the bills and our finances. I sometimes feel guilty If I spend money...but my MIL gave me some good advice...she was also a SAHM and said "you clean the house, look after everything, take care of the kids and more. You DO work....Don't feel gulity about spending Money on yourslef". So now I don't...I know how much $ we have and don't go overboard at all...DH trusts me and this has helped a lot in our relationship.

It wasn't always like this though.....I was the $ maker and he went to school and stayed at home with Alejandro. I think it helps to have been "in the others" shoes.

[floridamama]

That's kind of similar to our situation too! My dh works outside of the home, and I handle all of the finances. I will occassionally spend money on things for the kids or myself...but I never go overboard. I am the frugal one in this relationship! If my dh has a penny in his pocket, it burns a hole until he spends it! I am having a difficult time getting him to save his money! If he hops on-line and checks out what we have in our account...he thinks it's okay to go spending it! I can't seem to get through to him that a certain amount is usually already spoken for (with checks) and that the rest is to live off of...meaning food, and the usual bills! He frustrates me when he thinks that we have all of this money to burn! After reading some of your posts, I can see now that it's not "just a guy thing" as my MIL is always telling me. lol.

[mcmama]

It sounds like Angie has a sensible (and hard won) arrangement. My ex insisted on handling all the money. It was a disaster, not because he wasn;'t frugal, but because he was too controlling. And his supposed frugality cost us big over the long haul. Those of us who are into frugality on this website are not into "cheap" "worn out" "make do" and never enjoying something nice just because it is nice.

My ex was raised in a household where his dad worked and his mom was home and his mom controlled all the money. Very tightly. So that is where he learned the behavior.

With my son getting married in a few years (long term engagement) I am encouraging them to get some pre marital counseling and deal with this issue. They're both pretty smart, frugal, and independent. But between the two of them, they have never seen an adult partnership where healthy habits are practiced around money - either too tightly controlled, or bad decisions, or fighting.

Anybody seen Suze Orman's advice to young people - YFBers she calls them, young fabulous and broke. I'm trying to get the kids to listen up as they make their own plans together. At least they're planning together!

[zonamytte]

DH is the one sending the payment on most bills but I see them before they get paid and file them. I am a sahm and dh works a lot but its OUR money and we disucuss our expenses, we both refuse to accumulate unesscessary debt - so we only buy what we can pay at the end of the month in full - and keep an emergency fund to cover any unexpected items- like a few months ago our microwave died so we had to get a new one...

[Samual]

All our bills and our mortgage are direct debits, so there isn't exactly any handling there. Then all of our money goes into a joint account and we can spend whatever we want to spend. Each month though we place £20 in each of the childrens accounts and £50 into a savings account, just incase something happens and we do not have enough money come in, or if something expensive needs replacing.
Then we one of us draws out £150 a month for food shopping that we keep in the house so it can be used anytime.

[songbirdxx]

50/50 all the way.....Direct debits for bills. Joint account. Joint access to all savings. Everything financial in both names.

[mrmnmom82]

I handle the budget, but we sit down every month, together, and go over all the numbers to see if anything needs to be changed around. The first year of our marrieag was difficult. I'm the youngest of 6, and he's an only child. So we had different opinions about what was essential and what was extra. We finally decided to each have a set amount, it's the same for both of us, that we get to spend a month, that way he doesn't feel like I'm controlling his every move. It made our relationship much more peacefull.