[QueenAngie]

Just curious right now,
do you have colleged aged or
adult children living at home under your roof?

How is it going?

Do they help with chores around the house?

Pay rent?

[qandomom]

and it's not going well at all. He and my husband do not get along. Hubby expects him to pitch in more, son wants to be independent. They both are driving me nuts.

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board, Gandomon!

I am hearing you with the testosterone levels in the house.
One is getting older
and
the other is trying to become a man....
and you are stuck in the middle.

Will son have a summer job?
Take summer classes?

[jluna1110]

My 19 year old son moved back home after one semester in a out of state school. We set some guidelines when he moved home such as, work part time, keep grades up, (he transferred to a local school) go to church, help around the house and interface with the family.
He seems to be doing well in school, he does not have a job yet and originally wanted to "concentrate on school" and live off student loans, something we discouraged. He helps very little around the house, barely integrates with the family, goes through the motions of going to church.
He dates a non-member girl that lives 150 miles away. She comes to visit occasionally and he goes to visit her frequently. In the last month I requested he make less visits to her house as he can not afford the price of gas and if he has that amount of free time he should look for a part time job. When I asked him to ask her to help make a contribution to the gas fund, he said she won't.
At any rate, my husband is fit-to-be-tied. He claims that our son thinks only of himself, thinks we are a hotel and gives us an attitude when we have to ask for help. He thinks that our son should be asking for things to do around the house rather than having to be asked. To add to the issues, our son says he won't even consider serving a mission, and claims he does not know the truthfulness of the gospel. My husband is also angry as our son used to play golf, has very expensive golf equipment and won't even pick the clubs up; played in the band and a city orchestra and does not even touch his instrument, all this since he graduated from high school.
I agree with my husband on most points.
My son claims why should he have to work around the house it's not his house. He will do what we ask with repetitive promptings. He does well in school. He thinks that if he had a better attitude my husband will still be angry with him and their relationship will not improve.
We have 3 other kids, one daughter and twin boys. The older three are married with their own families. They all worked through college and we have been fair with each of them in what we will and won't pay as far as their expenses.
The older boys served missions and our 19 year old has had great examples in the older kids.
At any rate, I dont' know what to do, what I could say to my son to encourage him and still be supportive of my husband. I'm not sure if my husband is just angry because it is doubtful the 19 year old will serve a mission.
Any help?

[QueenAngie]

Keep encouraging your 19 yo son. I'd also give him a listing of chores to do weekly that are your expectations of his housing arrangements in your own home.

Will he go on a mission? Maybe you should sit down and chat about this on a quiet afternoon.

Wishing you all the best!

[songbirdxx]

My sons are both students with flats.They are back and forward all the time.I would never dream of suggesting they were using the house like a hotel, just because they are young adults now. The house is their home as much as ours and it always will be ,even when they are making their own way in life.They often bring male and female friends to stay over and we happily cater for them too! I suppose my house is a bit like a hotel,DH and I like it that way!

[jluna1110]

Thanks for the advice.
The last time I had a conversation with him about a mission, he stated that he did not believe. This comment has been devastating to me and my husband. My husband served as our bishop for five years and was released just over two years ago. When I asked him what his bishop had told him, he said, "this happens to many kids at this age and he should pray about it". When I asked him if he did such, he said no, there was no point.

[MommaColleen]

if you count my husband

No, seriously. DH and I agree that when our kids finish school they are more than welcome to stay living with us but they will be asked to help out with the bills. We feel it is only right to teach them to live as adults with more adult responsibilities. They already have chores but I'm sure the dynamics will change if they choose to stay.

[deedee1231]

My children are still young. My oldest daughter is 15. When she is old enough to move out of our home, I will not encourage her to do so just to have her out of my hair. I want my children to stay with me until they have at least graduated from university (provided they do not choose to attend an out of state school) and established a life of their own. If they do go to universtiy out of state, they will always have a home here and I would hope they will return to it after they get their education. Ideally, I think I would prefer my children to remain in the family home until they marry and start a family of their own.

[gigglesbarb]

I have 2 sons, 25yrs and 22yrs. The 25yr old joined the Navy right out of high school. He was only in for 8 mths (general discharge under honorable conditions - ADD). He then returned home to live in our garage apartment. He had to pay rent & utilities. He got married and lived there for 2yrs. The 22yr still lives at home he has to attend school (has been dragging that out for 4yrs now), pay his own car insurance and help out with chores. Hubby has given him until he is 25 to finish school and move out or pay rent.