[floridamama]

My 11 yr. old dh is starting middle school this Fall. She is begining to show changes both with her body and her mood. You know what I mean? lol. So...my own Mother has been urging me to have "the talk" with her. She feels that my dh is ready, and she is probably right. With all of the changes going on with her both physically & otherwise...it's probably time.
Anyone gone through this yet? Any tips or words of wisedom for a nervous Mom?

[kywrite]

At eleven, she probably knows it all already, so there's no reason to think you're going to freak her out. Ask your doctor if he has a good pamphlet. Or -- I bet you there's a good downloadable guide online.

With my oldest, I was just calm and told him everything -- used the anatomical words without flinching (that's important) and explained how disease works and how condoms work as well as the pregnancy and physical change stuff. I started to do that not long ago with my eleven year old, but he started making retching noises and ran away. Not ready yet! (but he still knew what I was talking about -- stupid school system. My responsibility, not theirs.)

[floridamama]

Wow, and I was worried 11 was too young. I know that she knows a little bit...but I feel like not only do I need to explain the "birds & the bees" but menstural cycles, hormones, etc...

I want to be prepared & calm for this. I just can't believe it's that time already!
lol...I just realized that in my original post, I called my dd my dh! Ooopppsss!

[TaraB]

I knew about sex at 11. I seriously doubt you will freak her out. I was looking for information on birth control and found this. It might help you.

http://www.siecus.org/pubs/TalkAboutSex.pdf

[mcmama]

Tara, this is a great resource. I am sure it will give many moms ideas for how to approach the subject, factual information, and also it is good for teens. You have a talent for research. I hope you use it in school because you are intelligent. Maybe you will be a health care educator, a teacher, an advocate. Most people would not be as thorough as you have been to find resources. Thanks for sharing.

And I agree about "the talk" at 11. I seriously needed it then, as that was when I reached puberty. My mom had that talk with me a few months before my 1st period, and was I glad I knew what to expect and what this body of mine was getting set to do! I actually know one girl who had her first period before she was 10. Girls are maturing faster, and we really have to keep up with that. Even if your own daughter is a late bloomer, her friends are probably experiencing this and talking about it.

[shannon_heslop]

I found a great book about this by Richard and Linda Eyre who have 9 kids. I figured they have figured out how to do this after that long. They actually recommend doing it at 8 years old as far as the how babies are made with follow up discussions. They really spell it all how of how to talk to them, books that you can use, what to say. My husband and I talked to our 8 year old son a few months ago just after his birthday and as red in the face as we might have been, I think it went really well. He feels like he knows the most amazing, incredible awesome thing in the world -- how people are made. I was so grateful I found this book, especially when I talked to some of my brothers and sisters recently and we were talking about having "the talk" with your kids and what they remembered about the talk our parents gave us. Instead of it being all embarassing or thinking it is gross, it was presented in such a positive way. Definitely worth looking at. If you want to buy the book, I found mine on half.com (I get most of my books there) for a lot less.
I know I thought 8 was a little young initially, but they explained their reasoning and now I have to say, I agree. It's early enough that you catch them before they hear a lot at school or from friends, so you can give them the right perspective from the beginning instead of leaving it to others. They are old enough to understand.
Hope this helps someone. I know it really helped me!!

[writerchick]

floridamama,

Many of my kids friends starting their periods at 11, and it seems most by 12, so I'll bet she already knows something about that. I'd do the talk quickly so she doesn't get all kinds of misinformation from the kids at school. When I had the talk with mine, I was surprised how much they wanted to listen, and then they led the discussion from there. She's probably got a bunch of questions bottled up. Good luck and best wishes!

[floridamama]

Thanks for all the great advice, Ladies! I will do a little research first, and then the talk. I am aiming for this coming weekend.

[MJ7]

Originally Posted by floridamama

Thanks for all the great advice, Ladies! I will do a little research first, and then the talk. I am aiming for this coming weekend.

Well, have you talked with your dd? If so, how did it go?

I hope to use the gradual approach with my boys. Answer questions as they appear either interested or as I feel they're ready to know. My mom tried to sit me down about 10 and tell me about periods and stuff and it was very awkward--probably mostly because we didn't have mom-daughter talks otherwise. I too knew about sex before 11. I think it's important for girls to know what menstration is for and how babies are made by this age..

[floridamama]

Thanks for asking, MJ7! No, I have not had the talk with her yet. Isn't that sad? I know that I really need to to, and I will. But I have decided to let it rest for now, and then this Fall, right before she starts middle school, that is when we'll have it.
I can't believe how hard it is for me to think of doing this. I know that she needs to hear it, but in my mind, she's still my little girl. The one that plays with barbies, and loves dress-up clothes and anything Disney! Hee-Hee! I just can't believe that it's that time already. Ya know? It went by sooooo fast. It's crazy.
But we'll have THE TALK this Fall.