[momlove]

Hello....I've been married for a couple of years now and I still haven't got use to the ups and downs of marriage. Some days I can deal with it and some days I can't. Sometimes I feel like giving it all up and other days I feel like I can fight. Why am I'm staying....is it because I want it to work out? Why do I fight with it .....is it because I really want to leave but waiting for him to say it first? CONFUSED....am I the only person that feels this way?????

[bunchabarries]

First, you are not alone, It is said that a successful marriage requires falling in love many times, with the same person.

• Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages Conducted by a team of leading family scholars headed by University of Chicago sociologist Linda Waite, the study found no evidence that unhappily married adults who divorced were typically any happier than unhappily married people who stayed married. Even more dramatically, the researchers also found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy five years later

Marriage is a challenge, that doesn't fit the "happily ever after" image that we expected. Some of us don't help our marriages by going to our family/friends who lovingly listen to us as we vent our unhappiness. Then they eagerly rewarded us by validating the emotional suffereings that they feel we "shouldn't" have to tolerate.

Be strong. Surround yourself with people who believe in "Marriage". Try to stay clear of other women's horror stories (they are not helpful). However, I did find it helpful to go visit friends who were married to that special someone "I would never marry" it always made me thankful for my hubby. With all that said, Marriage is a commitment between two people, therefore it takes two people and alot of prayer to make it work. But it can work......

Gigi

[FlamingPanties]

My cousin is getting divorced, and I was pretty shocked at the news because I always thought she and her husband were a great couple and had happy kids. Looking at the two of them over the holidays, I find it very hard to understand why those two can't work it out.

One thing I learned in life is not to assume like most people do that the husband found a new girlfriend, which is supposed to be the reason for the bust-up. People break up over money more than anything. Ironically, divorce makes them poorer.

[mcmama]

It isn't worth it to break up a marriage over money, unless one partner is super irresponsible. When you divorce for that reason, you do come out ahead.

I also find that I grow impatient with people who think "growing apart" is a reason to divorce. So grow together again.

I divorced my ex after 15 years of marriage, a mental breakdown where he set the house on fire, a series of narcissistic depressive episodes after that, and eventually discovering that he was gay. That really is irreconcilable.

So I also don't have much patience with folks who think everything can be worked out, or prevented. Sometimes divorce is the only way out.

And I STRONGLY feel that in any premarital counseling, the subject of being gay or having a same sex attraction or relationship needs to come up. If someone had really opened that one up with him in front of me BEFORE we were married, I think I would have headed in another direction.

[cj4ever]

It all depends on what's causing your ups and downs and how often they happen. If the problems stem from some sort of emotional, verbal or physical abuse then you may need to seek a good counselor, or get out if it persists.. But if it's just everyday kind of stuff your dealing with, then you have the option of looking for better ways to get along. Marriage rules, compromising, praising your spouse, asking him how his day went and always trying to see things from his perspective really saved my marriage, Remember men and woman don't think alike, that's why learning to see things from your husbands perspective and getting him to see things from yours is very crucial in a good relationship. I feel happiest when i understand where my husband is coming from. Praying for an understanding helps also!

Hang in there

cj4ever

[browneyes01]

"It all depends on what's causing your ups and downs and how often they happen. If the problems stem from some sort of emotional, verbal or physical abuse then you may need to seek a good counselor", "Remember men and woman don't think alike, that's why learning to see things from your husbands perspective and getting him to see things from yours is very crucial in a good relationship. I feel happiest when i understand where my husband is coming from" I am not married but I agree with this person marriage is what you make it just like a relationship is what you make it you obviously wanted to be with this person or you never would have married him try to work it out but if you keep asking yourself the same questions then maybe you really don't want to be in it.

[ub35]

Originally Posted by momlove

Hello....I've been married for a couple of years now and I still haven't got use to the ups and downs of marriage. Some days I can deal with it and some days I can't. Sometimes I feel like giving it all up and other days I feel like I can fight. Why am I'm staying....is it because I want it to work out? Why do I fight with it .....is it because I really want to leave but waiting for him to say it first? CONFUSED....am I the only person that feels this way?????

No you are not, I am going through exactly the same emotions

[vwetzel]

You are most definitely not the only one in this boat, my friend! I'm facing a similar dilemma. I don't feel like my husband is the epitome of evil or anything, sometimes I feel like I don't have anything I should be complaining about. But then sometimes...I wonder what in the world I was thinking. For me, we fight about the same stuff constantly. For you, as someone already mentioned, it might be good to look into the stuff causing your ups & downs to get a better feel for the situation. Unless you're in any direct physical or emotional danger, try to find a way through it. I'd say it seems like part of you definitely wants to find a way, or you'd be gone already? I've heard (and experienced) a huge cause of marital issues is a lack of effective communication, so maybe that would be a good direction to start looking in, if you're interested. Anyway, best of luck. )