[max_stein]

Oprah is doing a show this week on “Why Men Cheat” with a ‘relationship expert’ named M. Gary Neuman. This guy has done extensive research with loyal and disloyal husbands trying to identify reasons that men go outside of their marriages. What shocked me about this entire thing is that women were completely left out of it. What about the women that cheat? Are there just too few to do a study? I seriously doubt it. It just seems odd to me that the focus is always on men when it comes to the topic of infidelity. The world is not that segregated… women cheat also and after being on the wrong end of that situation I just think maybe a study needs to take place that poses the question, “Why Women Cheat?”

[mcmama]

You know, this is a good idea. And I think Oprah has done programs on women who cheat.

So Max, why don't you do a study? or find an expert who will?

Probably one reason why the program is focused on cheating men this time is because of the necessity to narrow the sample for research purposes.

Is there anything in research on women? I mean, beyond the usualluy sensational stuff oprah has? Good question, Max.

[Samual]

According to the times, women cheat due to a lack of effection and companionship.

[2girls]

I would be interested in finding out more from a study.
I have a sister who is a home wrecker, she's done it twice now and is married for the 3rd time at age of 35. (disgusting I know!)
I think she does it for the thrill, not the lack of affection or companionship.

[mrmnmom82]

They did mention "women who cheat" on the show, but she didn't want to dwell on it, maybe it will be another show, but the man's book was about men, not women. I think they should do a study on women. And from the show Oprah did, it sounds like men and women cheat for the same reasons.

[mcmama]

A lot of commonly cited reasons for both men and women are problems with the spouse. Oh, if you just fixed yourself up. If you were more affectionate, available, sensitive. If you did this. If you did that.

Oh please.

Men and women both get slammed with that.

There are some spouses who are seriously lacking, for a whole lot of reasons. And that can drive some people out of the marriage, checking to see what they can get before they dump the whole thing. But as for why people cheat in general...

They want attention. And it might not be the kind of attention that any sane spouse can give them.

Or they want sex. A lot. All the time. More than any sane spouse can give them and of a variety that is just not based in reality.

Or they've got an ego to stoke, and a spouse at home whom they want to put down. They want a sense of "yeah, I can do better than that, I just stay married cuz I am such a good person". Real pretzel logic.

Or they got seduced and are weak. Or, like the previous poster mentioned, they have conquests to make. That too is ego.

Max, you sound hurt. I hope we are making you feel better. The cheated on always get blamed, but that is usually just an excuse.

[godonlyknows]

Im so sick of people looking for reasons. They are obvious. We are wired to procreate, its nature. Even if the sex is for pleasure, the rooted desire, subconciously is procreation. NOW, the cheater...They look to blame everyone but themselves. Bottom line, cheaters are weak. Its THEIR fault that they did not resist the same temptation that we all feel. Its crap shows like this that give people a whole list of reasons to start looking at their own relationships to justify cheating, and it just snowballs. There is no excuse, one time is too many, and its an absolute dealbreaker. No Marriage is strengthened by it, somebody just ends up having to swallow their pride. DEal FRiggin BReaker!!!

[mrmnmom82]

I don't think the point of the show was to give excuses, but to help people realize problems before they get out of hand

[Chipwag64]

Sorry godonlyknows, I don't agree with you.I don't believe that humans are wired like some evolved advanced animal to procreate,although I do believe that this is the main purpose of the sexual organs.Sex is also for pleasure, it's a gift that is intended to KEEP a husband and wife from straying.Now, does that mean that it works that way?, of course not!!Look at how we are bombarded every day by the media and arts with constant messages of sexual images, literature and talk.Sex has become a right, a necessity, anymore for anyone who is in or past puberty,and sadder still,even before that!! Sex is not confined to a marriage, but is open to children,same sexes, groups and all perversities of using toys and instruments and animals, whatever!!!It's just one big game anymore to have fun, enjoy yourself, see who you can score with, how many etc.It's truly sickening.Once you open the door to use something that it was not intended for, you devalue it and make a mockery of it. Look at automobiles, when they were first invented, people were happy to have an improved means of transportation, to get them further quicker. Now look at how people drive; like they own the road, "get out of my way, before I run you over", driving is not a privelege anymore, it's deserved.Same with money, lawsuits, Black Friday bargain shopping etc.. Always trying to get more, finding loopholes to avoid due punishment, gain at all costs, even at the expense of others.It's a ME,ME,ME world!!!So when the marriage encounters problems,and they ALL do, whether relational,sexual,monetary whatever,how many are sticking with it to work it out? And this is not in any way written to slam anyone who is divorced, because some situations just don't work out.Once we open the door to just a wink, a little touch, a slight innuendo,it all seems so innocent; but when it becomes easier and more fun,and the marriage is getting harder and less fun...well, guess what?I think marriage has been devalued also with people signing prenuptial agreements, spontaneous marriages, marriages for convenience etc.My wife likes to watch the TLC channel "Wedding Story" or something like that, and it seems like some people seem to spend more time planning a wedding to the last detail than preserving the marriage.I would like to do a thread sometime on why people flirt, I've heard some interesting reasons that, to me don't make sense.Godonlyknows mentioned that no marriage is strengthened by cheating, but actually,at least for now, my wife and I have both changed and have become closer. We both needed a wake up call.Am I saying that it was good that it happened? NO...but sometimes us thick headed people need a defibrillator shock to wake us up to the reality of each others needs!!Chip

[Lebaseven]

My husband and I had been together 17 years and married 15 when he cheated. Do I blame him.. not exactly because the blame goes to BOTH of us. We were in a "rut" and at the time neither of us really saw it and along with some other issues we never seemed to want to address.. after awhile we lost our ability to communicate and silience was all that filled our home. we would sit here at night and never say a word to each other, we wouldnt even fight! Then I got my computer and as I turned more and more to the faceless strangers online, the silence here got even worse. One night he packed a bag and left to spend a night in a hotel and I didnt even see him leave even though he walked right by me on his way out and I didnt realize he was gone till 4 hours later. As I was turning to others on the computer he turned to someone he worked with. After a lot of yelling and screaming and more tears than can be counted and tons of hard work, we both realized how much we really do love each other. It took a lot for us to both see our own blame but now here we are today. We have been married 23 years and been together 25.. and we no longer take each other or what we have together for granted..and yes we even argue and fight! life is good!