[dropdead]

How much of my own person do I have to give up in order to make my wife happy?

She doesn't introduce me to friends or people at work she is afraid of me and doesn't want to go out in public with me.

She tells me I am abusive. I know I can be better, but I don't know how many times a person can be told they are not worth anything.

Not sure I can change to make her happy.

How do I really know that she has given up on me?

What can I do to make her feel safe and not ashamed of how I act, the person that I am?

[pearalta]

Hello,
"She tells me I am abusive."...are you?
It's not easy to give an opinion without seeing you 2 in action, but it sounds to me that you may be the insecure one in the relationship - are you?
If it's a case of being an insecure person, then she'll probably take advantage of that to the maximum, but if you're an abusive husband, that's another story...
Maybe you can provide us with more specific examples of the situations.
I had the same problems with my ex husband - "She doesn't introduce me to friends or people at work she is afraid of me and doesn't want to go out in public with me."...I was very insecure (still am) and only after I started to totally dislike & ignore him did he start to show interest in me...unfortunately for our 14 year marriage & children it was too late for I had reached the point of no return!
Like everyone says, “we shouldn’t sacrifice our life and dignity for another person", but if there are children involved, they always get a tremendous share of the damage!
Good luck!

[QueenAngie]

Welcome to the board!


Marriage is a lot of work. Sounds like your relationship has gotten off track.
I am thinking you need to go to a marriage counselor. Ask your wife to go with you.

Are you abusive? I truly hope you are not. Abuse comes in many forms - physical, emotional, verbal, withholding relations, etc.

See a marriage counselor this week.