[Magic_Mikki]

As long as I'm venting... (I just posted a vent, but have another that has been bothering me for a really long time)...

I hope no one gets offended by this post. Anyway, I'm sick and tired of young girls having babies and resenting their babies. I work in the restaurant setting and it seems to be the setting for a ton of young girls getting pregnant. Nearly all of the mothers there are under 20. I'm totally not saying that age defines who makes a good mother, because I definately don't think that way.

Anyway, there is this one girl in particular who really gets to me. When she found out she was pregnant (she was 18 then, 19 now), she made it known to everyone that she was pregnant, but that she was going to have an abortion. (First of all, if you're planning on having an abortion, why in the heck would you tell everyone you work with??) Since this was the plan, she continued to drink and smoke, and she even admitted to not only all these party stories, but to doing certain drugs, as well. Anyway, she was waiting for her Visa Credit Card in the mail so she could pay for the abortion, but she apparently ordered the Visa card too late, and by the time she was approved and it arrived she was too far along for the abortion. So suddenly, overnight she became excited that she was pregnant! She still didn't stop bragging about how much she drank at the last party. I mentioned adoption to her, and she said that the only way she'd consider adoption was if it turned out to be a boy. (She really wanted a girl so she could "dress it up and play with it, and OMG it will be SO MUCH FUN!!") Of course, it turned out to be a boy. So a couple months ago she had the baby and recently returned back to work. I asked her how mommyhood was going, she had only bad things to say. The baby just cries all the time and she doesn't really like him much, and her now ex boyfriend cheated on her all the time and doesn't help out with baby duty because he also has a 3 month old with another girl... blah blah blah. All sorts of bad things! All the baby does is wake her up in the middle of the night and she's tired all the time.. etc. She just wants to go out with her friends and drink and go to parties like she's supposed to be doing at 19 years old. I'm truly afraid that she will do something bad to the baby. I mentioned adoption again to her, and she said there is no way she could do that now because everyone would hate her, and that would make her look bad. But all she wants is to be pregnant again becasue she loved the way people gave her all sorts of attention, she mentioned getting pregnant ASAP by someone who is nicer than her last boyfriend.

I can honestly say that I hate this girl, and someone like her does not deserve the wonderful life of being a mother!!!

[Newfiemomma]

Oh that poor baby! Imagine your Mommy "not liking you very much!" I can honestly say that this girl is immature and most likely has no maternal instincts. I was pregnant at 18 and had my son at 19, so I can say how devestating it is to a young girl. I can also say that I learned very quickly to love my baby even before he was born, and I was hopelessly in love when I saw him. (He's almost 10 now and would be mortified if he knew I was calling him baby!)
It must be so hard to hear this crap coming from her! And she wants to be pregnant again??!!! Does she have parents to support her?

[2BoysMomma]

I can see how these situations can really get to someone. I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut either. I can tell you that many girls think the attention is great but don't want the responsibility. That sounds like her. Please Please Please just don't pin this stigma on all young mothers though, we have a bad rep as it is. I was 16 when I got pregnant with my son and 17 when I had him. I would have liked to go out with my friends and stuff but I finished high school and went to college. My husband and I supported our child and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Unfortunately, I have seen firsthand the problems with young motherhood because young mothers are not often mature enough to handle taking charge of someone else's life. I would consider reporting her to the local Department of Health and Human services if you are really concerned for the baby's well being. It could be just that she is using the negative behaviors to get attention because she knows that's what she will get. I pray for babies in situations like this because it is them that suffer, and I can honestly tell a teenage girl what it is like to be pregnant and have to take care of another human. It is not all fun and games, it's not like playing house or babysitting where you can give the baby back.

[oweirdo]

Funny I remember getting that BFP at 18, and being in love with the baby at that second. I guess it comes from how you were raised, the life you live. I was never a party girl, I did have some depression problems when it hit me that I cant just go to What-a-burger at 3 am if I wanted. But Katlyn was so worth every second of it, she brought so much joy into my, our, lives. I wish all young moms cared so much, but sadly some dont. Its better to be hated by your whole family, and give the baby up to someone who will love them, than to despise an innocent child

[Tracey with 6]

I had my eldest at 21 as a single mum and I too loved that baby from the minute I found out I was pg, my eldest dd best mate was born when her mum was 14 and as she said to me aboutit, yes she didn't want a baby at 14 but she knew it was her or nobody for that baby so she stepped up to it, and I can honestly say that little girl is very loved and has never been neglected or hated for a single second of her life.I am sorry you have todeal with htis stupid wench, some people do not deserve to be mummies, wht ever the age !

[QueenAngie]

Sounds like this young mother needs a lot of support and help to grow into mature motherhood. Or else give the baby up for adoption.

Wonder "who it is" that would hate her for the adoption? Her parents? Then, they should be helping her and the grandbaby.

Are there any local community resources that could help this young mother?

[Magic_Mikki]

Thanks for being so understanding with my frustrations, everyone!

It's hard to be around this girl. Today she was bragging to fellow coworkers about how she gets everything for free.. state assistance for housing (she only pays $107/mo for a two bedroom two bathroom townhouse that is originally $900/month). She said she never even thought twice about breastfeeding (which is her own decision, and that doesn't bother me) but the reaason is because she doesn't want stretch marks on her boobs or for them to get saggy, but since she didn't want to pay $150/month in formula she signed up for assistance where she gets free formula/baby food/bread and milk, etc. She gets free medical insurance, will only pay $50 a MONTH for full time daycare... She is taking advantage of every program and spends the cash she makes from work on clothes for herself, getting her hair done all the time, etc.

There are people out there who truely need this type of assistance. She decided that she doesn't need to go to school because she is perfectly fine living off the government. It just disgusts me having to hear this! This type of thinking and these actions are exactly what make the welfare system and financial assistance programs in our country FAIL!

I just hope that whenever the time comes, I am able to shake this off and stop letting it bug me so much!

[Alejandros Mommy]

Originally Posted by oweirdo

Funny I remember getting that BFP at 18, and being in love with the baby

^Ditto

[Mom261724]

I too have something to say about this matter. I was 17 when i got pg with my oldest daughter. I was in a very loving relationship (I am married now to the same man). It was very difficult for me when i found out i was pg, but like all "adults" should, i accepted my responsibilities. I graduated high school and had a very good job. My daughter was born at 25 weeks, and that right there could have been enough for me to give up. SHe had a lot of problems that no one should ever have to go through. Not my daughter and not a teenager. But we all have to deal with what God hands us. If girls dont know the consequences of having sex at such a young age they obviously do not need to be having it! Of course i knew what could happen and i chose my path. I do not regret any of it. I love my daughter with all of my heart and i couldnt magine my life without her! I am 25 years old now and i have 3 children. ages 6, 2, and 7 months. My husband and i do get a lot of help from the government, but we do not take advantage of it nor do we brag about it. It is a very rough situation when you have to resort to the government to help support your family. I am a stay at home mother now (for about 4 months). It was a hard decision to make for me to stay at home, i had a very good job with excellent benefits. But when it came down to it, my husband was actually paying for me to go to work. With the cost of gas and babysitting alone, it was just too much for us. We have significantly increased our income by me staying at home, but we have had to ask the government for assistance with insurance. And we do get help with formula (which i did breastfeed my youngest for a while, but decided to ween her when i went back to work. At the time i did not know that i would be quitting). I think that this girl has a lot of growing up to do. And hopefully she will get her head out of her rear and become the mother that she needs to be. If she doesnt she is going to have a very tough life ahead of her!

[2BoysMomma]

Originally Posted by Mom261724

My husband and i do get a lot of help from the government, but we do not take advantage of it nor do we brag about it. It is a very rough situation when you have to resort to the government to help support your family.

My husband and I have qualified for the past 3 years for government assistance and I refused to apply because of the stigma that goes along with it. When he was out of work over Thanksgiving and Christmas I went and applied. I am a full time student and he works (now) at least 40 hours a week. We get milk, eggs, cheese, peanut butter, and cereal through the WIC program and also get food stamps. For the amount we get, based on his income and our family size, it does not by any means last an entire month but does help out a lot. It generally saves us from having to buy at least 3 gallons of milk, 2 dozen eggs, peanut butter, and cereal. Also the food stamp money buys our meats and fresh vegetables/fruit for the month. Total this saves us around $200 each month in groceries. My case worker just recently suggested that we apply for the childcare assistance which provides financial assistance for couples who have to put their children in daycare. When I went for the interview the first few questions they asked me were:
Do you send your child to daycare when you or your husband is at home? I.E.: during spring break, summer, holidays, etc. My response was no, if we are not in school and at work, he doesn't go to daycare.
Do you and your husband have assests not reported on this form that would enable you to be able to fully fund your household? (my thought, no, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here) My response, no.
Next question: Why are you only applying for assistance with one child? My response: because we only have one child. Her response: Are there any children outside the home that either you or your husband have that you pay child support for but do not have custody of? My response: No. At this point she just stopped and stared at me for a minute. Then asked if my husband was my son's biological father or if we needed to file child support paperwork.

All this is to basically say that the government assistance is great for those who need it, but obviously there are many that abuse it and we all get the stigma put on us.